This morning something strange happened on the television.... Rainy days and Mondays....I tell ya....
I overheard the newscaster say that the MTA stated they would be unable to comply with the previously issued improvements they said they would make if they increased the fares. And they did raise the fares. I may have been dreaming. But it seems that is what they said, to which I reply, "Are you fucking kidding me?".
It is not as if I believed at any point that the MTA could really improve anything, I mean, there is only so much you can do for a system that satisfies 7 million customers daily. At this point the only way to help is to have one constant platform moving and people just jump onto it. I also really want to know precisely how the congestion pricing is going to affect the trains. If the thousands of people who drive in every morning want to get on the train now, I do not know where we are going to put them. I have been tempted to just roll myself under the seats and travel in that way because there is no room. No room at all. Even leaving hours earlier is no longer helping. Apparently everyone goes to work at 7 am. I guess 7 am is the new 8 am.
My only two complaints about the system are that there is not enough service for people, and there just can't really be. And that there is not really a good level of coordination at all. Alas, they never promised me a rose garden. I never cared how dirty the trains were, how much crime was on the subway etc. I just wanted to get to work in under an hour. Infuckingpossible.
But for now that is all someone else's problem. Hoorah!
My employment dilemma carries on and between me and everyone reading this, I have no desire to work, to look for work, to commit to a job, to feign enthusiasm, to attempt to wear a skirt, to smile and say I really am a team player but I work well independently too. None. And I really won't. I bet there are nice people out there I have just been dealing with the same people for so long I am sheltered and I am in all likelihood a little insane. I fear I have Stockholm syndrome and I sympathize with morons.
Today I worked out to the new Counting Crows album. I am pretty sure that is a clear sign of mental illness.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
it is raining
OK so the weather is total shit. I am going to go to the gym now I guess.
I really have nothing else to do but sit here and read
I have returned from my adventure to the daytime world and let me tell you it ain't pretty. Much as I suspected daytime people are all people who are out there because they have to be. Meaning, they are elderly, disabled or legally insane and honestly, in my experience, these are pretty much the same thing. Wait I forgot the 4Th possible category: suddenly unemployed.
The lady on the treadmill next to mine was singing out loud. But you know, like every 9th line of the song, so it would be sort of jarring when she would burst out full throttle. She was also doing some sort of rain dance shit. She was tremendously out of shape,god bless her, but it is pretty obvious she is new to this because she was (1) tremendously out of shape and (2)she was acting like an asshole on the treadmill and I will bet my entire gym membership that nighttime people simply don't stand for that shit.
Another man in the gym was on like a stair-climber type thing and he was going so fast it looked as if someone had it on fast motion like they would do on TV, like on Benny Hill. I was laughing so hard I nearly ate it and fell off my treadmill. Basically I cannot change my center of gravity at all on a treadmill or I go wobbling off. And yet I am judging the actions of others at the gym? But you should have seen this guy. I am pretty sure he wasn't doing it right.
Lastly when I tried to use the elliptical stations, there was a man about 7 inches shorter then I am - in full cycling wear. I mean, head to toe spandex and sunglasses that covered most of his face. He also had a ace bandage (or old pantyhose) tied around his knee cap. He looked like a pirate/jockey hybrid. And then his woman. She looked like a biker. And I mean like she was in the Ching-a-Ling gang. She looked mad that I was using station 6, because she was coming up on station 6. So I stopped and fucking left. No need for that sort of heat.
I walked home and I went to get my eyebrows/misc. hairiness done as a reward for leaving the house. When I walked in the 'salon' what appeared to be four 3rd graders getting manicures all stared at me, and I was ever so enthused to actually get all sorts of facial hair peeled straight out of my face, and come back out blistered with redness, only to have these brats KNOW that I am old and hairy. Then I remembered they all must have old hairy, mothers. They are after all getting manicures and they are like 10.
On a total side note, my room mate had ordered a microwave in anticipation of us moving soon (are we still since i am now a broke ass _______? stay tuned). She ordered it for like a dollar from Macy's. So somehow, they sent her TWO of them, days apart. And they both had the same order number. So basically it was the perfect crime. Two cheap ass microwaves for like REAL cheap.
Room mate takes the high road and calls Macy's and tells them what has transpired. So today, UPS gets here and picks up the box. I meet the UPS guy and he says I am also supposed to pick up an iron. Now i know room mate has this iron up here, but I know she only got one of those. So I tell the UPS guy "That must be some mistake. We aren't returning the iron".
I know he thinks I am a lezbian now and that is fine. But then he gives me a slip and says ok take this for when you are going to return that.
I am now eating a plum and drinking a beer. I know. Who does that???
I really have nothing else to do but sit here and read
I have returned from my adventure to the daytime world and let me tell you it ain't pretty. Much as I suspected daytime people are all people who are out there because they have to be. Meaning, they are elderly, disabled or legally insane and honestly, in my experience, these are pretty much the same thing. Wait I forgot the 4Th possible category: suddenly unemployed.
The lady on the treadmill next to mine was singing out loud. But you know, like every 9th line of the song, so it would be sort of jarring when she would burst out full throttle. She was also doing some sort of rain dance shit. She was tremendously out of shape,god bless her, but it is pretty obvious she is new to this because she was (1) tremendously out of shape and (2)she was acting like an asshole on the treadmill and I will bet my entire gym membership that nighttime people simply don't stand for that shit.
Another man in the gym was on like a stair-climber type thing and he was going so fast it looked as if someone had it on fast motion like they would do on TV, like on Benny Hill. I was laughing so hard I nearly ate it and fell off my treadmill. Basically I cannot change my center of gravity at all on a treadmill or I go wobbling off. And yet I am judging the actions of others at the gym? But you should have seen this guy. I am pretty sure he wasn't doing it right.
Lastly when I tried to use the elliptical stations, there was a man about 7 inches shorter then I am - in full cycling wear. I mean, head to toe spandex and sunglasses that covered most of his face. He also had a ace bandage (or old pantyhose) tied around his knee cap. He looked like a pirate/jockey hybrid. And then his woman. She looked like a biker. And I mean like she was in the Ching-a-Ling gang. She looked mad that I was using station 6, because she was coming up on station 6. So I stopped and fucking left. No need for that sort of heat.
I walked home and I went to get my eyebrows/misc. hairiness done as a reward for leaving the house. When I walked in the 'salon' what appeared to be four 3rd graders getting manicures all stared at me, and I was ever so enthused to actually get all sorts of facial hair peeled straight out of my face, and come back out blistered with redness, only to have these brats KNOW that I am old and hairy. Then I remembered they all must have old hairy, mothers. They are after all getting manicures and they are like 10.
On a total side note, my room mate had ordered a microwave in anticipation of us moving soon (are we still since i am now a broke ass _______? stay tuned). She ordered it for like a dollar from Macy's. So somehow, they sent her TWO of them, days apart. And they both had the same order number. So basically it was the perfect crime. Two cheap ass microwaves for like REAL cheap.
Room mate takes the high road and calls Macy's and tells them what has transpired. So today, UPS gets here and picks up the box. I meet the UPS guy and he says I am also supposed to pick up an iron. Now i know room mate has this iron up here, but I know she only got one of those. So I tell the UPS guy "That must be some mistake. We aren't returning the iron".
I know he thinks I am a lezbian now and that is fine. But then he gives me a slip and says ok take this for when you are going to return that.
I am now eating a plum and drinking a beer. I know. Who does that???
Thursday, March 27, 2008
who is carmen hawke?
I have been awake for one hour 26 minutes.
since awakening I have watched "posh and becks" true Hollywood story, and about 4 minutes of "keeping up with the kardashians". I guess the mother had a trainer over to help them with their diets...and she suggested putting a chicken coop on the property so they could have fresh eggs. I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues because I think that's disgusting and I shut it off. I hate reality TV. It's all forced and scripted.
So I made a cup of coffee, ate some cookies. Contemplated my own chicken egg coop so I could stop like eating cookies for breakfast and sat down here. I have made the following observations about being unemployed:
1- I wasn't happy at work this whole year. I am bereaved because of my grandmothers death and I needed a job that made me feel useful and important. This job that I had was much the opposite. I think they bullied me in a way. No one could help me out when I asked for help. So now I feel it was pretty spiteful. I don't think I like that at all.
2- My resume looks like crap and I am too uninspired to even sit here and redo the stupid thing.
3-I truly only want to hang out with my boyfriend and THINK about going to the gym. I won't actually get off my ass and go to the gym.
4-Some may think I am lazy or feeling sorry for myself. My friend who has been on bed rest with a high-risk pregnancy said she said something like "well i never had the chance to be lazy before" when faced with the dilemma of being on the couch for months at end. Yeah. I hear that! So there is my silver lining. Except like why the fuck am I comparing being fired to bed rest???? I would like to relax for like a week. But i keep coming across jobs that want to pay me a whole lot of money. I feel like every minute passing is an opportunity lost. So you can see why it sucks to me someone like me, and to be on the dole.
5-Everyone says right now I should do all the stuff that I haven't had a chance to do. You don't really want to do that when you're confused about your future. I had HIGH hopes and now I am totally stalled. I can't stand not having control over basically anything...so this is no treat. Then I feel like everyone MIGHT think I am not trying hard enough. Yes. I still care what people think of me.
So my main dilemma is trying to be comfortable with NOT being a "monster" as my roommate put it the other day. I have to let this LIE for a few days. I cannot run right out there and dedicate myself to another shit job because I feel the need to
prove myself to myself or others or because well, I feel NOT having a job is the lowest form of existence. (There is a REALLY REALLY good reason for that).
But I am so not like that!!!
This morning in between THS and Kardashians I also saw a commercial for Milla Jovovich's Target line. And I said "Why Milla? WHY NOW?" (I actually texted my discontent to my boyfriend, who is at his job, and i am sure he is still rolling his eyes now).Ok, who is Carmen Hawk? Anyway. I guess this is what it looks like and I now vaguely remember something about this on Jezebel.
I like 2 and 4 - which i BET are not Milla inspired cos she said something about flowers in the commercial and I don't do flowers anymore. I don not think I have done floral since my 1st year of employment when I wore long floral skirts. Wretch!
Thankfully I am not floored by the line at all.
There is a Yoga class in 1 hour and 45 minutes. I can only imagine what the gym is like on a Thursday afternoon. Daytime people terrify me.
More about that soon I am sure.
since awakening I have watched "posh and becks" true Hollywood story, and about 4 minutes of "keeping up with the kardashians". I guess the mother had a trainer over to help them with their diets...and she suggested putting a chicken coop on the property so they could have fresh eggs. I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues because I think that's disgusting and I shut it off. I hate reality TV. It's all forced and scripted.
So I made a cup of coffee, ate some cookies. Contemplated my own chicken egg coop so I could stop like eating cookies for breakfast and sat down here. I have made the following observations about being unemployed:
1- I wasn't happy at work this whole year. I am bereaved because of my grandmothers death and I needed a job that made me feel useful and important. This job that I had was much the opposite. I think they bullied me in a way. No one could help me out when I asked for help. So now I feel it was pretty spiteful. I don't think I like that at all.
2- My resume looks like crap and I am too uninspired to even sit here and redo the stupid thing.
3-I truly only want to hang out with my boyfriend and THINK about going to the gym. I won't actually get off my ass and go to the gym.
4-Some may think I am lazy or feeling sorry for myself. My friend who has been on bed rest with a high-risk pregnancy said she said something like "well i never had the chance to be lazy before" when faced with the dilemma of being on the couch for months at end. Yeah. I hear that! So there is my silver lining. Except like why the fuck am I comparing being fired to bed rest???? I would like to relax for like a week. But i keep coming across jobs that want to pay me a whole lot of money. I feel like every minute passing is an opportunity lost. So you can see why it sucks to me someone like me, and to be on the dole.
5-Everyone says right now I should do all the stuff that I haven't had a chance to do. You don't really want to do that when you're confused about your future. I had HIGH hopes and now I am totally stalled. I can't stand not having control over basically anything...so this is no treat. Then I feel like everyone MIGHT think I am not trying hard enough. Yes. I still care what people think of me.
So my main dilemma is trying to be comfortable with NOT being a "monster" as my roommate put it the other day. I have to let this LIE for a few days. I cannot run right out there and dedicate myself to another shit job because I feel the need to
prove myself to myself or others or because well, I feel NOT having a job is the lowest form of existence. (There is a REALLY REALLY good reason for that).
But I am so not like that!!!
This morning in between THS and Kardashians I also saw a commercial for Milla Jovovich's Target line. And I said "Why Milla? WHY NOW?" (I actually texted my discontent to my boyfriend, who is at his job, and i am sure he is still rolling his eyes now).Ok, who is Carmen Hawk? Anyway. I guess this is what it looks like and I now vaguely remember something about this on Jezebel.
I like 2 and 4 - which i BET are not Milla inspired cos she said something about flowers in the commercial and I don't do flowers anymore. I don not think I have done floral since my 1st year of employment when I wore long floral skirts. Wretch!
Thankfully I am not floored by the line at all.
There is a Yoga class in 1 hour and 45 minutes. I can only imagine what the gym is like on a Thursday afternoon. Daytime people terrify me.
More about that soon I am sure.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
i don't feel like bloody working!
so my boyfriend will be here in 5.
We are going to go for a walk. Get some food. Get some beer.
I look adorable and you know what:
no one has called me yet for an interview and you know what:
i don't feel like fucking working anyway!
There!!! I said it!
We are going to go for a walk. Get some food. Get some beer.
I look adorable and you know what:
no one has called me yet for an interview and you know what:
i don't feel like fucking working anyway!
There!!! I said it!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
i sort of lost my job this week.
well i totally did.
but look at this:
http://zoltanslab.co.uk/index.html
but look at this:
http://zoltanslab.co.uk/index.html
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
ok i feel a lil better now
Quick Vote
Paris Hilton's new show: Would you compete to be her best friend?
Yes 4% 507
No 96% 11410
Total Votes: 11917
Paris Hilton's new show: Would you compete to be her best friend?
Yes 4% 507
No 96% 11410
Total Votes: 11917
Friday, March 07, 2008
this is so not normal!
i left my job! to rush home to my sweetie and get dinner!
"i am not going to shower. ill shower after dinner"
Torrential downpour. I get caught in the rain. So i decide to shower.....
(start "Phycho" music!)
Um....
what!????
But I just like....washed my body with that.....
Now...how to brush my teeth!?
WTF!!
Obviously the shower I took outside was cleaner then the one inside!!!!
"i am not going to shower. ill shower after dinner"
Torrential downpour. I get caught in the rain. So i decide to shower.....
(start "Phycho" music!)
Um....
what!????
But I just like....washed my body with that.....
Now...how to brush my teeth!?
WTF!!
Obviously the shower I took outside was cleaner then the one inside!!!!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
all in a morning
After discussing the small explosion, at times square and uneccessary violence like
political terrorism
robyn: people don't know how to deal with ther emotions
11:40 AM
robyn: OO most importantly i saw williem defoe this morning his eyes are firce
11:45 AM
maria: holy shit
political terrorism
robyn: people don't know how to deal with ther emotions
11:40 AM
robyn: OO most importantly i saw williem defoe this morning his eyes are firce
11:45 AM
maria: holy shit
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
another dollar .....another day
so work sucks. next.
i am listening to the new blind melon.
"every day above ground was a good one".
Perhaps one of my favorite expressions, reminiscent of my all time favorite show...the dramariffic Six Feet Under.
Me and my sweetheart went to see Blind Melon at the Hiro Ballroom (the venue kicks ass aesthetically) in NYC Saturday night. Honestly, I had to drag myself to the show. I am a purist, a music snob, a moron when it comes to most things musical. I am opinionated..."Yeah, seriously, you're totally elitist. You feel like the unappreciated scholars, so you shit onto people who know lesser than you"(High Fidelity).
That'd be me.
So we go. And right before the show I am all like this is going to be weird with this new singer and i don't know if i should even be here. Blah blah blah. Well they ruled. It was an excellent show and not only was I impressed but Ant (my sweetheart) was equally impressed and he had never been a Blind Melon fan to begin with.
I wasn't a Blind Melon fan to begin with.* I actually hated them because of the single "No Rain" and the asinine "Bee Girl" video. I was all like "Yeah, this is what we need - a hick singing in a field about love and happiness". The truth of the matter is that single is a poor representation of the band, and their talents..which are widely displayed on the 1st album that 'No Rain' was on (self titled debut). But more so on "Soup" (the 2nd and last album, due to Shannon Hoon's drug overdose while touring in support of that album) and "Nico" released after his death.
Remember when musicians used to die quiet and non-especially-surprising deaths? Maybe it is in fact the digital age. Maybe I was too young to pick up a news paper. but in my day (lol) when a musician or actor died there were a day or two of press...no prying, no trying to solve the god-damn mystery of it all (less Kurt Cobain, but that was some shady business. next). Michael Hutchence asphyxiated himself in an auto-erotic accident and people let it go...pretty quickly.
So things have changed. and now it's all about the moments leading up to and what people did and didn't do to help and how they could have been saved if only....
and blaming family and friends. I honestly do think most of the hysteria surrounds women in music and acting who do drugs ..... i don't think the world is ready to handle them yet. i mean...we only had the one, Courtney, and everyone hates her. So.
Anyway. I read that Shannon Hoon was forced to tour by Capitol Records.
I really hate Britney Spears.
(* i started to listen to Blind Melon when Soup was released).
i am listening to the new blind melon.
"every day above ground was a good one".
Perhaps one of my favorite expressions, reminiscent of my all time favorite show...the dramariffic Six Feet Under.
Me and my sweetheart went to see Blind Melon at the Hiro Ballroom (the venue kicks ass aesthetically) in NYC Saturday night. Honestly, I had to drag myself to the show. I am a purist, a music snob, a moron when it comes to most things musical. I am opinionated..."Yeah, seriously, you're totally elitist. You feel like the unappreciated scholars, so you shit onto people who know lesser than you"(High Fidelity).
That'd be me.
So we go. And right before the show I am all like this is going to be weird with this new singer and i don't know if i should even be here. Blah blah blah. Well they ruled. It was an excellent show and not only was I impressed but Ant (my sweetheart) was equally impressed and he had never been a Blind Melon fan to begin with.
I wasn't a Blind Melon fan to begin with.* I actually hated them because of the single "No Rain" and the asinine "Bee Girl" video. I was all like "Yeah, this is what we need - a hick singing in a field about love and happiness". The truth of the matter is that single is a poor representation of the band, and their talents..which are widely displayed on the 1st album that 'No Rain' was on (self titled debut). But more so on "Soup" (the 2nd and last album, due to Shannon Hoon's drug overdose while touring in support of that album) and "Nico" released after his death.
Remember when musicians used to die quiet and non-especially-surprising deaths? Maybe it is in fact the digital age. Maybe I was too young to pick up a news paper. but in my day (lol) when a musician or actor died there were a day or two of press...no prying, no trying to solve the god-damn mystery of it all (less Kurt Cobain, but that was some shady business. next). Michael Hutchence asphyxiated himself in an auto-erotic accident and people let it go...pretty quickly.
So things have changed. and now it's all about the moments leading up to and what people did and didn't do to help and how they could have been saved if only....
and blaming family and friends. I honestly do think most of the hysteria surrounds women in music and acting who do drugs ..... i don't think the world is ready to handle them yet. i mean...we only had the one, Courtney, and everyone hates her. So.
Anyway. I read that Shannon Hoon was forced to tour by Capitol Records.
I really hate Britney Spears.
(* i started to listen to Blind Melon when Soup was released).
Monday, March 03, 2008
blood in my ice cream
i have to blog this although i haven't blogged in an eternity.
i had a bad day today in what seems like a series of bad days when i finally decide after walking around only saying "narf" to everyone for the evening that i should have some ice cream to cheer me up.
la la la la. troll off to the kitchen and scoop away.
the results:
so i guess the spoon was so fucking cold - it touched my lip and took a strip of skin off. Much like the affects of sticking your tongue to a pole.
Yes!
There is blood in my ice cream.
i had a bad day today in what seems like a series of bad days when i finally decide after walking around only saying "narf" to everyone for the evening that i should have some ice cream to cheer me up.
la la la la. troll off to the kitchen and scoop away.
the results:
so i guess the spoon was so fucking cold - it touched my lip and took a strip of skin off. Much like the affects of sticking your tongue to a pole.
Yes!
There is blood in my ice cream.
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