I got a day off from work today because of flooding and tornadoes. In NYC. Yeah. Totally normal. I have nothing to do. Nothing at all. Sitting waiting for webmail.
So I get to sit in my hot ass apartment all day and do basically nothing because it is too hot to do anything at all. At work the AC is excellent. At work the AC is free!
The Brita water pitcher is frozen solid. I have to drink tap water. Non filtered Tap water.
Everyone who is at work wishes they didn't go in. It's quiet because no one is in the city because no one could really get there except for the few "lucky" bastards at my office.
This weeks heat has made everyone sick too. Everyone is getting a cold. It's like the consumption. I feel like I am living in the 20's.
Last night I went to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and it kicked total ass. The two opening bands were a sight for sore eyes too. The 1st act was called "Girls Girls Girls". When they came out on stage I realized they were an all-female Motley Crue cover act. This would only happen to me. No one could make this shit up if they
tried.
The second band is called "The Tiny Masters" - it is a 10 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. They are from Brooklyn. They were entertaining, but I thought I was watching two female primordial dwarfs for about 10 minutes. Again, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
The YYY's are notoriously awesome and a NY band(imho). There are so many haters who rip on the Strokes and the YYY's as hipster bullshit. The fact is that both of these bands are so raw and passionate they make me feel good about NYC and music. The way these bands play and issue music is very old-school and they aren't the image machine that most bands are. That image stuff bores me to tears.
For example, Justin Timberlake doesn't look like he is having fun when he performs. He doesn't look happy ever. Yeah, he is raking in the money and I am sure he loves music but at such a cost. I can't concentrate on what he is doing because I cant see past how full of himself he is. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a nasty coke habit.
I am listening to the new Flight of the Conchords CD, The Distant Future, over and over today because I am bored to tears. It's pretty hilarious. And the stream is free thanks to spinner.com.
It is either that or make a booty call. I am that bored.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
sunday wrap up
Last night i went out with the crew for beers and food. Everyone was in good form and it was a nice time. The summer is almost over, and i am sure the weekends of bars and bar food will boil down and I won't be eating total crap every Saturday night. I have food guilt. Yipes!
Today I spent the day with my Grandmother and Aunt. We went out for dinner. The food was mediocre but it was really a nice day and I loved getting out of the house with them. We have dinner at home every Sunday. The same old thing each week is bound to bore everyone to tears.
My grandmother is 91 years old. She is starting to slip a bit, and it is stressful on me but especially my aunt who is her primary caretaker. It's little things like confusion, and general frustration because she knows her memory isn't what it used to be. It probably wouldn't be so bad if she didn't get annoyed with herself - but she does. It just seems to have happened over night and each week i see her she seems a little less together. She is also not feeling wonderful. I think it is the brutal weather. She says she is depressed and bored. We just recently got her cable for the 1st time. I cant imagine going through 90 years without cable television, so she must be thrilled. Lord knows she never turns that Lifetime channel off.
My friends Grandmother is in a nursing home. This was a hard decision for everyone to make but her Alzheimer's was getting too much for her and her husband to manage. She is 82 years old. The Grandfather is about 80. The Aunt who intervenes is 89 years old and they, the younger family members, call her "Before Christ". Well "Before Christ" is difficult and mean and she says that the reason the grandfather takes the grandmother home from the nursing home as often as he does is to have sex with her. "Before Christ" tells the members of the family these things like they really want to be entertained by the thought even after they question the validity of this nonsense. Whose business is it if 80 something people wanna get it off once a week? Well it's "Before Christ's" business apparently.
My Grandmother is somewhat lucky. She has us. I won't turn my back on her now. I feel bad, and it's annoying, but I won't. I just want her to be happy and comfortable now on. She made me happy and comfortable when I was a kid, and totally helpless and exposed. I would tell her this...but she might not listen. Today my Grandmother went on about how the cats outside keep getting pregnant over and over again. How she doesn't really mind, it is nice to have the babies (kittens) around. I wondered what she would have said if I had come home pregnant over and over again. I felt really bad for about 10 seconds about something she wants to see for me. Or from me.
I know what she was thinking about and I hope. like everything else, she forgot it quickly.
I have to make some calls now and try and drive out of here to see some people.
The thought of work tomorrow isn't registering yet and I need more screw off time!
Today I spent the day with my Grandmother and Aunt. We went out for dinner. The food was mediocre but it was really a nice day and I loved getting out of the house with them. We have dinner at home every Sunday. The same old thing each week is bound to bore everyone to tears.
My grandmother is 91 years old. She is starting to slip a bit, and it is stressful on me but especially my aunt who is her primary caretaker. It's little things like confusion, and general frustration because she knows her memory isn't what it used to be. It probably wouldn't be so bad if she didn't get annoyed with herself - but she does. It just seems to have happened over night and each week i see her she seems a little less together. She is also not feeling wonderful. I think it is the brutal weather. She says she is depressed and bored. We just recently got her cable for the 1st time. I cant imagine going through 90 years without cable television, so she must be thrilled. Lord knows she never turns that Lifetime channel off.
My friends Grandmother is in a nursing home. This was a hard decision for everyone to make but her Alzheimer's was getting too much for her and her husband to manage. She is 82 years old. The Grandfather is about 80. The Aunt who intervenes is 89 years old and they, the younger family members, call her "Before Christ". Well "Before Christ" is difficult and mean and she says that the reason the grandfather takes the grandmother home from the nursing home as often as he does is to have sex with her. "Before Christ" tells the members of the family these things like they really want to be entertained by the thought even after they question the validity of this nonsense. Whose business is it if 80 something people wanna get it off once a week? Well it's "Before Christ's" business apparently.
My Grandmother is somewhat lucky. She has us. I won't turn my back on her now. I feel bad, and it's annoying, but I won't. I just want her to be happy and comfortable now on. She made me happy and comfortable when I was a kid, and totally helpless and exposed. I would tell her this...but she might not listen. Today my Grandmother went on about how the cats outside keep getting pregnant over and over again. How she doesn't really mind, it is nice to have the babies (kittens) around. I wondered what she would have said if I had come home pregnant over and over again. I felt really bad for about 10 seconds about something she wants to see for me. Or from me.
I know what she was thinking about and I hope. like everything else, she forgot it quickly.
I have to make some calls now and try and drive out of here to see some people.
The thought of work tomorrow isn't registering yet and I need more screw off time!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
all along the clock tower
Lofts in the South Bronx. Above the former Estey Piano Company. The South Bronx is now being dubbed SoBro - this is sort of old news.
From Wikipedia:
"The "South Bronx" is not a completely neutral term, as it is one commonly associated with urban decay of the 1970s. The terms "Downtown Bronx" and "SoBro" have recently been coined in hopes of replacing this somewhat outdated term for the region, with the latter term "SoBro" meant to conjure Manhattan's more affluent SoHo neighborhood. It is popular for being the birth place of hip hop music and culture."
We drove through the area last night and I saw several cafes and bars along the way which totally freaked me out. "In November 1999, Scientific American noted: "The Mott Haven section of New York City's South Bronx has long been one of the poorest neighborhoods in the nation. The median household income of its residents, most of whom are African-American or Hispanic, is less than one third of the U.S. median."(Wikipedia). Less then 10 years later and it is turning around. I was left for dead in this area on morning in about 1999/2000 when monsoon rainstorms stopped all train service, and let me tell you, it was no treat. I was quite terrified.
I said to my friend "this area isn't worth what they want for it" and he said "people are preparing for the future". He was 100% correct. Lord only knows what another 8-10 years may bring. For more info on Mott Haven I point you to Forgotten NY.
My favorite building of Mott Haven was the Farberware Factory (Images) which closed down in the 90's. It was simply massive. It was razed four years ago (my old company supplied the tools, I knew then I was in a job that I hated) and is now the site, I believe, of a Con Ed plant. They also removed a smoke stack (cut it down actually) that was associated with I believe a Milk or Bread plant.
I have pots and pans from the 1950's the are stamped BRONX, NY on the bottom. Buy me all the pots and pans in the world, and I refuse to part with these. They were handed down from my Grandmother, to my mother, and then to me. Why? My father wanted "Tools of the Trade" pots and pans. The bottoms all burned. They have already gone through the set. My p's and p's are like new. Not one has even stained nor burned. I appreciate the past more than my Father, which i find very ironic.
There is not a wikipedia entry for "NoBro" which is where I live because there is no need to change any negative connotation just yet. Seems eventually we will have our own urban decay and they will have to come up with a nasty nickname for it first in order for it to rebirth and become someplace trendy and cool. As of now, Robyn and I are the hipster community of Morris Park. We bought our Old Navy Hoodies in anticipation as we wait for the storm.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
It's the 1st time.
Welcome August.
gag. Summer is almost over. Doesn't have that same zing that it did when I was young. I feel no pressure. I don't feel like the summer will ever end now since it's 100 degrees here in my apartment. I know it will. I know I will soon be saying that the winter feels like it will never end.
All in all the summer hasn't been too bad. It started off somewhat cruel(potentially) and now it is what it is. So far this summer I haven't vacationed and I don't have any desire to do so. I went to NJ for almost a week and it cured what was ailing me and I would be happy just going back to my cousins, reading my book in her yard and playing with her son. I don't feel fantastic or anything. But I am looking forward to the rest of it; yet I do not yet know why.
What have I been doing this summer:
1. Reading a lot. I went into this yesterday so I wont be redundant.
2. Buying new music after years of just bumming music. Itunes price is right. A cd is about worth 10 bucks - I don't care who it is. Here is who it is:
a. regina spektor - begin to hope and soviet Kitsch
b. marilyn manson - eat me, drink me
c. the academy is - santi
d. fergie- the dutchess
e. yeah yeah yeahs- it is
f. bjork - volta
g. tori amos - american doll possee
h. damone- out here all night
3. Watchin TV. Yes! ME! Watching the tube like its 1939.
a. rock of love. Oh god, I know! But there is a long history between myself and Bret Michaels . Every man I have ever loved has now been on relaity televion. Well, every man who is a B Lister now. Wait. Is Tommy Lee A or B list?
b. flight of the conchords. Brilliant. Makes me laugh like a 2nd grader. If I do not laugh the 1st time I watch an episode, I will when I watch it again, and I always do watch it again. It actually propelled me into buying HBO on demand. and I do not part with $5.95 a month easily.
c. big love. I watch it sometimes. I like the show. It is getting better and the plot is getting much more interesting. I think I will demand an episode later.
d. Adult Swim. I need new Aqua Team episodes like Britney needs new hair extensions.
e. NY1. This is perhaps the greatest news station ever. If you don't live in NY you suck. And I am sorry, but Pat Kiernan is the greatest new anchor ever. He so gets it. He reports the news with sarcasm. It's about time someone did this.
4. Going to concerts. Ugh. I only saw Bjork so far. It was amazing and I do not regret it one bit. I am seeing the Yeah Yeah Yeah's on the 8th I think and that should be hot. No one goes to shows anymore. I have to go it alone. Thus the decline in concert going. They are also too fucking expensive. Too fucking expensive. I wish Itunes would start selling shows for the price they are worth, too.
5. Drinking. I call it "Summer of Sam (Adams)". It's just what I am doin now. I like Summer Ale. And when it goes into hibernation, I too will stop drinking beer. I will not stop drinking white wine or vodka.
6. Blogging. Being witty. Trying to find myself because I really lost myself in 2007. I feel good about this. My hair is dyed again. I am living my life the way I want to - although I work too much. I think I should aim lower in terms of work, because I am no where near rich yet, and basically a thousandaire and others I know have far exceeded me doing much less.
7. Trolling celebrity websites. This is mindless. I also though, as a balance, am really doing well in my NYC research and news intake.
8. Not getting a tan. Not reading Harry Potter books. Not obsessing. Not dating as much as I would like to (ugh. maybe tomorrow I will blog about that). Not seeing my friends as much as I would love to. Not meeting new people (I have extended myself. I did "meet" some new people at parties and film premiers and I didn't do this for ages so there is hope). I point all these things out, less the Potter books, because I aim to do it more. See more movies and art too. Seriously.
9. Doing things myself. Shopping. Food and otherwise. Seeing some art shows. Going to the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. Things I used to threaten to do; I do them now. I see concerts alone. I still cannot eat in public alone, and I will not see a movie alone. I just won't.
10. Driving. I drive more now then I was before the summer but I don't really have anyplace to drive. I cannot drive too far because I have a very old car and I fear it breaking down in the middle of my journey in the summer heat. I have a triple A card, and it works. Still, I am not interested in this bleak fanatsy coming true. I am probably going to have to risk it on the 18th, because I want to see my family. They can come get me if my car break down and that is what it is.
I am tired now. Ok, off I go.
gag. Summer is almost over. Doesn't have that same zing that it did when I was young. I feel no pressure. I don't feel like the summer will ever end now since it's 100 degrees here in my apartment. I know it will. I know I will soon be saying that the winter feels like it will never end.
All in all the summer hasn't been too bad. It started off somewhat cruel(potentially) and now it is what it is. So far this summer I haven't vacationed and I don't have any desire to do so. I went to NJ for almost a week and it cured what was ailing me and I would be happy just going back to my cousins, reading my book in her yard and playing with her son. I don't feel fantastic or anything. But I am looking forward to the rest of it; yet I do not yet know why.
What have I been doing this summer:
1. Reading a lot. I went into this yesterday so I wont be redundant.
2. Buying new music after years of just bumming music. Itunes price is right. A cd is about worth 10 bucks - I don't care who it is. Here is who it is:
a. regina spektor - begin to hope and soviet Kitsch
b. marilyn manson - eat me, drink me
c. the academy is - santi
d. fergie- the dutchess
e. yeah yeah yeahs- it is
f. bjork - volta
g. tori amos - american doll possee
h. damone- out here all night
3. Watchin TV. Yes! ME! Watching the tube like its 1939.
a. rock of love. Oh god, I know! But there is a long history between myself and Bret Michaels . Every man I have ever loved has now been on relaity televion. Well, every man who is a B Lister now. Wait. Is Tommy Lee A or B list?
b. flight of the conchords. Brilliant. Makes me laugh like a 2nd grader. If I do not laugh the 1st time I watch an episode, I will when I watch it again, and I always do watch it again. It actually propelled me into buying HBO on demand. and I do not part with $5.95 a month easily.
c. big love. I watch it sometimes. I like the show. It is getting better and the plot is getting much more interesting. I think I will demand an episode later.
d. Adult Swim. I need new Aqua Team episodes like Britney needs new hair extensions.
e. NY1. This is perhaps the greatest news station ever. If you don't live in NY you suck. And I am sorry, but Pat Kiernan is the greatest new anchor ever. He so gets it. He reports the news with sarcasm. It's about time someone did this.
4. Going to concerts. Ugh. I only saw Bjork so far. It was amazing and I do not regret it one bit. I am seeing the Yeah Yeah Yeah's on the 8th I think and that should be hot. No one goes to shows anymore. I have to go it alone. Thus the decline in concert going. They are also too fucking expensive. Too fucking expensive. I wish Itunes would start selling shows for the price they are worth, too.
5. Drinking. I call it "Summer of Sam (Adams)". It's just what I am doin now. I like Summer Ale. And when it goes into hibernation, I too will stop drinking beer. I will not stop drinking white wine or vodka.
6. Blogging. Being witty. Trying to find myself because I really lost myself in 2007. I feel good about this. My hair is dyed again. I am living my life the way I want to - although I work too much. I think I should aim lower in terms of work, because I am no where near rich yet, and basically a thousandaire and others I know have far exceeded me doing much less.
7. Trolling celebrity websites. This is mindless. I also though, as a balance, am really doing well in my NYC research and news intake.
8. Not getting a tan. Not reading Harry Potter books. Not obsessing. Not dating as much as I would like to (ugh. maybe tomorrow I will blog about that). Not seeing my friends as much as I would love to. Not meeting new people (I have extended myself. I did "meet" some new people at parties and film premiers and I didn't do this for ages so there is hope). I point all these things out, less the Potter books, because I aim to do it more. See more movies and art too. Seriously.
9. Doing things myself. Shopping. Food and otherwise. Seeing some art shows. Going to the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. Things I used to threaten to do; I do them now. I see concerts alone. I still cannot eat in public alone, and I will not see a movie alone. I just won't.
10. Driving. I drive more now then I was before the summer but I don't really have anyplace to drive. I cannot drive too far because I have a very old car and I fear it breaking down in the middle of my journey in the summer heat. I have a triple A card, and it works. Still, I am not interested in this bleak fanatsy coming true. I am probably going to have to risk it on the 18th, because I want to see my family. They can come get me if my car break down and that is what it is.
I am tired now. Ok, off I go.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
i can't get no satisfaction
I have to call someone I promised I would call. I want to but I won't commit. Why? A call will turn into a hangout.
I need a shower and I drank and now I shouldn't drive.
So instead I am blogging this, because I am a jerk who doesn't keep promises apparently. I am not the only person on the earth to break a promise. Now I know how uncomfortable other people feel when they do it to me.
I do not like this. I will call. Yipes.
Update: Number is not in my cell phone. Well, we all know what that means. When's the last time you memorized a phone number? Plzzzzzzz.
So, Nicole Ritchie is with child and Joel Madden is officially eternally famous. God bless that little dwarf. I don't even care or have anything against her. She is just so TINY and she has been so f**ked up previously. I am happy for her. Sincerely. No better way to straighten out one's life then to become preggers. It snaps your neck right back into place. Unless you are a REAL loser.
Yeah. You heard me.
I cannot at this point imagine what it may be like to have a baby. I do not know what this means but it isn't up there with my goals like it once was. Working long hours, not having a man around - I guess I am out of the zone, as they say. But the truth is, if I do not get my ass into the zone, I am not going to have a family. My father told me to adopt. i said "Adoption is for rich people, Daddy. People like you and I get to babysit a foster kid that their crack saturated parent(s) will eventually come back and snatch away".
I know. I am a total hater. I appreciate that my Father tried, at least, to keep me from giving up.
Now that I am at this point, all my years of responsibility seem silly. Like there would be no other way for me to have a child unless it was a complete accident. Much like Ms. Ritchie (I won't buy that this was a planned pregnancy). Much like myself. I mean, I cannot even imagine discussing dinner with a man today, let alone children.
Hey. I am not old at all. Lord knows where my uterus will wind up. How many I will have, etc. I just know I want a child more than I want a relationship (if i have to compare the two) and I do not know what that means for me. I suppose, if I had a lot of money, I would have a donor and call it a day.
It's only because of two things:
-I am not interested in nurturing a man anymore. Seems like that is the one type I have had.
-I do not want to ask anyone to help me do something I can probably do just as well myself.
Wow. Jaded.
Anyway, I am going to stick with not wanting a baby really. If I did I would make different choices in general wouldn't I?
Should it happen (and it would be like some immaculate conception) I guess I am keeping my baby. That is the synopsis. I am well past the "I don't know what I am going to do if the stick turns blue".
Shit my landlady is coming up. Just in the nick of time!
I need a shower and I drank and now I shouldn't drive.
So instead I am blogging this, because I am a jerk who doesn't keep promises apparently. I am not the only person on the earth to break a promise. Now I know how uncomfortable other people feel when they do it to me.
I do not like this. I will call. Yipes.
Update: Number is not in my cell phone. Well, we all know what that means. When's the last time you memorized a phone number? Plzzzzzzz.
So, Nicole Ritchie is with child and Joel Madden is officially eternally famous. God bless that little dwarf. I don't even care or have anything against her. She is just so TINY and she has been so f**ked up previously. I am happy for her. Sincerely. No better way to straighten out one's life then to become preggers. It snaps your neck right back into place. Unless you are a REAL loser.
Yeah. You heard me.
I cannot at this point imagine what it may be like to have a baby. I do not know what this means but it isn't up there with my goals like it once was. Working long hours, not having a man around - I guess I am out of the zone, as they say. But the truth is, if I do not get my ass into the zone, I am not going to have a family. My father told me to adopt. i said "Adoption is for rich people, Daddy. People like you and I get to babysit a foster kid that their crack saturated parent(s) will eventually come back and snatch away".
I know. I am a total hater. I appreciate that my Father tried, at least, to keep me from giving up.
Now that I am at this point, all my years of responsibility seem silly. Like there would be no other way for me to have a child unless it was a complete accident. Much like Ms. Ritchie (I won't buy that this was a planned pregnancy). Much like myself. I mean, I cannot even imagine discussing dinner with a man today, let alone children.
Hey. I am not old at all. Lord knows where my uterus will wind up. How many I will have, etc. I just know I want a child more than I want a relationship (if i have to compare the two) and I do not know what that means for me. I suppose, if I had a lot of money, I would have a donor and call it a day.
It's only because of two things:
-I am not interested in nurturing a man anymore. Seems like that is the one type I have had.
-I do not want to ask anyone to help me do something I can probably do just as well myself.
Wow. Jaded.
Anyway, I am going to stick with not wanting a baby really. If I did I would make different choices in general wouldn't I?
Should it happen (and it would be like some immaculate conception) I guess I am keeping my baby. That is the synopsis. I am well past the "I don't know what I am going to do if the stick turns blue".
Shit my landlady is coming up. Just in the nick of time!
Monday, July 30, 2007
two quick years
nothing new to report really.
sitting here at home with my beer and happy that my carpel tunnel syndrome has gone away for now, because it drove me crazy all day yesterday.
bored to tears really and may just go and read. I am currently reading "The hotel New Hampshire" by John Irving. I am on a kick. I had read a few of his books last year and I recently finished "Cider House Rules" and "A Prayer for Owen Meany". They were both fantastic and I would get into them, but I don't want to spoil the read for my friend, who borrowed Owen Meany. I thought of her the entire time I read the book, so I hope she loves it as much as I did.
I was reading a Marie Antoinette biography, but it was really quite difficult to focus on. It is more of a winter read. I hate when I stop a book though, seems i can never quite get back into it.
Today is my baby Cousins 2nd birthday and I cannot believe how much has happened in two quick years. I love him with all my heart. I wish I was with him today and every day.
This is him on his first day:
This is him his 1st birthday (06):
and this is him 3 weeks ago with my sunglasses on:
Happy Birthday Baby Brian!!
sitting here at home with my beer and happy that my carpel tunnel syndrome has gone away for now, because it drove me crazy all day yesterday.
bored to tears really and may just go and read. I am currently reading "The hotel New Hampshire" by John Irving. I am on a kick. I had read a few of his books last year and I recently finished "Cider House Rules" and "A Prayer for Owen Meany". They were both fantastic and I would get into them, but I don't want to spoil the read for my friend, who borrowed Owen Meany. I thought of her the entire time I read the book, so I hope she loves it as much as I did.
I was reading a Marie Antoinette biography, but it was really quite difficult to focus on. It is more of a winter read. I hate when I stop a book though, seems i can never quite get back into it.
Today is my baby Cousins 2nd birthday and I cannot believe how much has happened in two quick years. I love him with all my heart. I wish I was with him today and every day.
This is him on his first day:
This is him his 1st birthday (06):
and this is him 3 weeks ago with my sunglasses on:
Happy Birthday Baby Brian!!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
happiness is a cold beer
Yesterday was so nice. Robyn and I walked the way over to Failte* and really enjoyed just taking in Kips Bay and looking around and chatting. She pointed out how she wishes she could do this more often and I agreed 100%. There was a time, before either one of us were very busy at all, that we were going to conquer neighborhood by neighborhood until we knew everything about everywhere.
Well. We are busy.
So we went to the bar. Drank beers. Yay! They had Sierra Nevada. Listened to the Rock-o-La (it was lame until we took over) and waited for her friends to arrive. Robyn works with some seriously nice people and I always have a great time around them. It's no frills and nice. They aren't phonies. No bullshit.
We had great conversations about concerts and our favorite concerts. One story was amazingly funny about how someone got to see Pearl Jam in some really great seats because his brothers fiance...and the like the biggest Pearl Jam fan ever.. was arrested for possession like 10 minutes before the show. So the brother called his brother to run on down and went to the show anyway citing "there was nothing I could do for her anyway"...and funny story.
A few people saw Nirvana. Points for me: I saw the Ramones and I met John Lydon. Robyn has seen every great band ever open for Guns N Roses apparently. She also saw Rage Against the Machine open for Smashing Pumpkins. Where the hell was I that day? Someone gave me the crazy eye when I said that some band I saw was like seeing the Who....lol. I think I was talking about the Strokes- who kick ass live but are in no way like the Who! I don't like the Who, which is probably why I said something silly like this. I meant the excitement obviously.
We all got kind of crazy to "Ain't Talking About Love" by Van Halen.
I also danced to "Rehab" finally in public. It was hawt.
I drank responsibly and got home in one piece. While for the bus we got to hear a couple fighting. The girl was drunk and emotional. The guy walked off, but he let her catch up with him and they got in a cab. We were so disappointed.
I talked Robyn's ear off about all of my feelings and then she feel asleep on the way home. Honestly, I don't know if it was boring or exhausting but boring and exhausting would be how I describe most if not all of the drama in my life.
I managed to meet one 40 year old drag queen (CoCo) and one very gay guy last night.
*Failte, pronounced "FALL-cha," means welcome in Irish. This place is one of the best bars I have ever been to.
Well. We are busy.
So we went to the bar. Drank beers. Yay! They had Sierra Nevada. Listened to the Rock-o-La (it was lame until we took over) and waited for her friends to arrive. Robyn works with some seriously nice people and I always have a great time around them. It's no frills and nice. They aren't phonies. No bullshit.
We had great conversations about concerts and our favorite concerts. One story was amazingly funny about how someone got to see Pearl Jam in some really great seats because his brothers fiance...and the like the biggest Pearl Jam fan ever.. was arrested for possession like 10 minutes before the show. So the brother called his brother to run on down and went to the show anyway citing "there was nothing I could do for her anyway"...and funny story.
A few people saw Nirvana. Points for me: I saw the Ramones and I met John Lydon. Robyn has seen every great band ever open for Guns N Roses apparently. She also saw Rage Against the Machine open for Smashing Pumpkins. Where the hell was I that day? Someone gave me the crazy eye when I said that some band I saw was like seeing the Who....lol. I think I was talking about the Strokes- who kick ass live but are in no way like the Who! I don't like the Who, which is probably why I said something silly like this. I meant the excitement obviously.
We all got kind of crazy to "Ain't Talking About Love" by Van Halen.
I also danced to "Rehab" finally in public. It was hawt.
I drank responsibly and got home in one piece. While for the bus we got to hear a couple fighting. The girl was drunk and emotional. The guy walked off, but he let her catch up with him and they got in a cab. We were so disappointed.
I talked Robyn's ear off about all of my feelings and then she feel asleep on the way home. Honestly, I don't know if it was boring or exhausting but boring and exhausting would be how I describe most if not all of the drama in my life.
I managed to meet one 40 year old drag queen (CoCo) and one very gay guy last night.
*Failte, pronounced "FALL-cha," means welcome in Irish. This place is one of the best bars I have ever been to.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
new york saturday
another Saturday and another Saturday that i venture back into new york city. Manhattan that is.
it's so humid i can only hope that boozing takes the edge off. there is no point in trying to look really cute today- my allergies are going bananas and the heat is making my makeup cake.
i look like britney spears at the end of the night and it's only 5:11 pm and I haven't even gotten to the beginning of the night.
i am heading out with the room mate who is talking crazy about taking a shower cap with her to protect her newly dyed hair. she said " i will totally do it too" when i gave her the look.
today i went food shopping and it provided me some sort of therapy because I haven't gone food shopping in months. Seriously. I found it to be depressing because I always did it with the ex and I am reminded by all the meals we shared and created together. Don't feel bad. I don't get sad- I just get angry. And getting angry in Pathmark is a HUGE mistake. But today was kick ass. I said fuck him and I bought a bunch of spinach and hummus and i said FUCK HIM!!
lolz!
OK, we are off. Robyn says
"a blog a day keeps the moodies away"....."or something away"....
lets hope it's not a sex life away.
it's so humid i can only hope that boozing takes the edge off. there is no point in trying to look really cute today- my allergies are going bananas and the heat is making my makeup cake.
i look like britney spears at the end of the night and it's only 5:11 pm and I haven't even gotten to the beginning of the night.
i am heading out with the room mate who is talking crazy about taking a shower cap with her to protect her newly dyed hair. she said " i will totally do it too" when i gave her the look.
today i went food shopping and it provided me some sort of therapy because I haven't gone food shopping in months. Seriously. I found it to be depressing because I always did it with the ex and I am reminded by all the meals we shared and created together. Don't feel bad. I don't get sad- I just get angry. And getting angry in Pathmark is a HUGE mistake. But today was kick ass. I said fuck him and I bought a bunch of spinach and hummus and i said FUCK HIM!!
lolz!
OK, we are off. Robyn says
"a blog a day keeps the moodies away"....."or something away"....
lets hope it's not a sex life away.
Friday, July 27, 2007
blogging for my life
i keep getting in trouble for not writing.
Wow. someone just distracted me. Big surprise.
Well there you have it - the number one reason I don't write anymore.
I am in terrible mood right now because I am exhausted and everyone in my office are acting like it is Friday and I, like a fool, was still in work mode and looking at how much money how many people owe us. I do not know why I care. It doesn't benefit me one way or another if we fold or succeed. We wont fold. People have owed us money for years.
Additionally annoying is the fact that my contacts have been discontinued and my eye doctor only has appointments smack in the middle of the day or 3 weeks off on a Saturday. I have what is in my eyes currently and I must locate a new eye doctor. Also, I must get a new referral to get this accomplished. Calling my doctor's office with stuff like this is not exactly an easy task as they always act as if they are being nailed to a cross and left for dead when i ask them to do their jobs.
Wow. Hater-tots and Hateraide to go!
I sort of want to walk out the door. I plan on spending a ton of money today on stuff I don't really need:
MAC makeup and makeup remover - i really do need this. I don't know why i say i don't.
gifts for everyone on the green earth (babies, friends, family it never ends) - this is the i don't really need part.
Today i started to look for weekend employment. It is almost as hard as finding a full time job apparently. All i want is a job in retail where they give you a machine that puts price tags on things and that is all i want to do for two days a week. I want to work in stock. I want to be an automated machine! Please, i have no customer service skills from Friday Night to Sunday Night. I couldn't begin to deal with our difficult society in an enclosed space. i need to work behind the scenes. I am doing this because I want a Mac Book. Seriously.
the job i wanted at blockbuster will never be. I so wanted to work there and be pretentious and give everyone my opinion of their shitty taste in film. Alas, It has closed down (one of the 200 out of 500o stores). At least i didn't work there already, only to be let go or transferred to a crappy neighborhood and get held up by gunpoint at 11 pm and be shot, deserving so, for my lousy attitude about movies like Big Mama's House parts 1 & 2 and no one will tolerate my lackluster opinion of the Lord of The Rings Trilogy.
I am also trying to find a class to take this fall and I cant figure out a thing about how to just take one class, pay for it, and get credits for it. They keep pushing me in the continuing education direction; non-credited nonsense. I tried to get my boss to pay for some design classes i could use for the company and he shot it down. What does he care if I improve myself in any way? Man am I in a bad mood today.
i am also listening to miserable Foo Fighters In Your Honor Disk 2. All acoustic. The softer side of Foo. I think it is supposed to be inspirational but it is bleak and depressing. Well.....So is Disk 1 but at least its electric. I really am obsessed with Metallica lately, it started with my roommate last week while watching the history of metal on VH1, and I really am going to download the black album tonight so i can relive one of the best years of my life when all I did was get second-hand stoned, drank beer and made out with the cutest boy in all of Westchester County. Let's not discuss what became of him.
And as if nothing else could get to me, the whole humorous adventures of Lindsay Lohan has developed into an angry and ugly story of her basically chasing down people and holding others hostage. She apparently blamed the whole thing on a "black kid". I hang my head in shame. Wait did you hear that sound? That was the sound a mediocre white actress's career ending.
i may just go see "I know who killed me" for fun. I will probably have the entire theatre to myself.
I am off to look for a box now. That is what a manager does, right?
Wow. someone just distracted me. Big surprise.
Well there you have it - the number one reason I don't write anymore.
I am in terrible mood right now because I am exhausted and everyone in my office are acting like it is Friday and I, like a fool, was still in work mode and looking at how much money how many people owe us. I do not know why I care. It doesn't benefit me one way or another if we fold or succeed. We wont fold. People have owed us money for years.
Additionally annoying is the fact that my contacts have been discontinued and my eye doctor only has appointments smack in the middle of the day or 3 weeks off on a Saturday. I have what is in my eyes currently and I must locate a new eye doctor. Also, I must get a new referral to get this accomplished. Calling my doctor's office with stuff like this is not exactly an easy task as they always act as if they are being nailed to a cross and left for dead when i ask them to do their jobs.
Wow. Hater-tots and Hateraide to go!
I sort of want to walk out the door. I plan on spending a ton of money today on stuff I don't really need:
MAC makeup and makeup remover - i really do need this. I don't know why i say i don't.
gifts for everyone on the green earth (babies, friends, family it never ends) - this is the i don't really need part.
Today i started to look for weekend employment. It is almost as hard as finding a full time job apparently. All i want is a job in retail where they give you a machine that puts price tags on things and that is all i want to do for two days a week. I want to work in stock. I want to be an automated machine! Please, i have no customer service skills from Friday Night to Sunday Night. I couldn't begin to deal with our difficult society in an enclosed space. i need to work behind the scenes. I am doing this because I want a Mac Book. Seriously.
the job i wanted at blockbuster will never be. I so wanted to work there and be pretentious and give everyone my opinion of their shitty taste in film. Alas, It has closed down (one of the 200 out of 500o stores). At least i didn't work there already, only to be let go or transferred to a crappy neighborhood and get held up by gunpoint at 11 pm and be shot, deserving so, for my lousy attitude about movies like Big Mama's House parts 1 & 2 and no one will tolerate my lackluster opinion of the Lord of The Rings Trilogy.
I am also trying to find a class to take this fall and I cant figure out a thing about how to just take one class, pay for it, and get credits for it. They keep pushing me in the continuing education direction; non-credited nonsense. I tried to get my boss to pay for some design classes i could use for the company and he shot it down. What does he care if I improve myself in any way? Man am I in a bad mood today.
i am also listening to miserable Foo Fighters In Your Honor Disk 2. All acoustic. The softer side of Foo. I think it is supposed to be inspirational but it is bleak and depressing. Well.....So is Disk 1 but at least its electric. I really am obsessed with Metallica lately, it started with my roommate last week while watching the history of metal on VH1, and I really am going to download the black album tonight so i can relive one of the best years of my life when all I did was get second-hand stoned, drank beer and made out with the cutest boy in all of Westchester County. Let's not discuss what became of him.
And as if nothing else could get to me, the whole humorous adventures of Lindsay Lohan has developed into an angry and ugly story of her basically chasing down people and holding others hostage. She apparently blamed the whole thing on a "black kid". I hang my head in shame. Wait did you hear that sound? That was the sound a mediocre white actress's career ending.
i may just go see "I know who killed me" for fun. I will probably have the entire theatre to myself.
I am off to look for a box now. That is what a manager does, right?
Saturday, July 14, 2007
get over yourself
i woke up this morning with my usual set of plans only to realize that my cousin from Oklahoma remembered i would meet her in the city today, and i had sorta kinda forgot. So after about 10 minutes of brooding and deciding i should go and then there were 100 reasons why i shouldn't go, i brushed my hair, put on my converse and made my way into new york city. To lower Manhattan. On a Saturday.
anyone who knows me will tell you that getting me within 15 minutes of my place of work in the daytime weekend is not something I strive for. I only do this if i have to go into the office, and if I have to do that I am pretty pissed. The area is insanely crowded. Manhattan in general is insanely crowed on the weekends but Soho and China Town are monstrosities.
handbagpradaguccicouchhandbag
Of course there were the usual train delays and reroutes that make this all the more an enjoyable experience. While I was on the train a veteran of our fine war (the current one) came in to tell the riders a tale of how he was injured in the war and denied benefits and needed some money for food so I gave him all the quarters I was not going to be using because i nixed laundry to go see Oklahoma. I felt so good doing this. Not too minutes later, a second man came in, to tell us all he had suffered a stroke, he was a war veteran (of our last fine war,Vietnam) and needed some money for food. He only got 11 cents from me because that was all i had left. I felt miserable about this until I was distracted by the realization I was being kicked off the train at 42 street because of track work.
I got off the subway all together at bleeker street because they were going to skip a whole bunch of stops, including mine, so i decided i might as well walk because at this rate, i was wasting too much time with this mass transit nonsense. I bought a watch at swatch (hey, i like them. They hold up in my hectic lifestyle) and heading down crazy Broadway towards wall street. To meet my cousin and her family at the Trinity Church. And to walk the World Trade Center site.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I have no desire to walk the world trade center site and anyone who knows me knows why. I decided that today I wouldn't say a world, because the people from Oklahoma would probably think one of the following things-
- How unpatriotic! Never forget!
- You've never done this and you work by here? You must be too cool for the room.
- Wow. she is still traumatized by the event. Poor gal. We can go somewhere else.
None of these are entirely true and none of them are entirely false. I've seen the site 100
times - i just never go to see it. I don't like to breathe when I am down there. And it isn't because of the Deutsche Bank building and the horror stories about asbestos, which i should add I stood in front of for 10 minutes today, but just because....Some people simply became dust that day. You know....this disturbs me. I bet it disturbs you too.
Anyway....I made the best of it. I mean, what could i do? Be myself? Not today! I was amazed at my numbness and actual pleasure during the walk. People asked me questions and I had answers. We went into some of the Financial Building Centers that had been rebuilt and looked at plans for the future of the wtc site. I took a picture of the miniature construction diorama. (And by the way, it looks better as a diorama then on paper.) I sat on the stairs, relaxed, and talked to my cousins daughter about how i loved to shop at the World Trade Center. Told her about the great Century 21 (just the shopping, not how it saved one of my best friend's lives.No morbid stuff). I wasn't sad or sentimental or melancholy (an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depression. ok.). I just was.
It seemed to take ages to get around there...and that is another reason I don't go. It is, after all, a construction site....it shouldn't take as long as it does to get anywhere as it does to get a few blocks down there. However, we then head up to Canal Street, to get Chinese food, and I see then where the exercise in trying to get from A to B is truly going to be tried. The place is lined, smushed, wall to wall people, everyday, so they can buy unbelievable, fake, gaudy, un-capitalistic crap. It's thirty times worse on a Saturday and I can see I am losing Oklahoma. I also learned today that many restaurants in Chinatown only take cash. I would have to tell them how much better they would do if they took plastic. The restaurants are closing down at an alarming rate. Oh well, no bother.
I couldn't have gotten off this crazy day of tourism at this point but for some sadistic reason I couldn't let it go. I was having the full on tourist experience. And now my team needed me where i excel. The Subway! I could have just walked them to the station and told them where to get off but I shivered at the concept of the 5 of them using the metrocard machines, not to mention the fact that the train may not go where it is supposed to and they would be faced with the same detours and delays as I had been. So we went - all of us. I also learned that if you buy a 10 dollar metro card, to be used for 5 people at 2 dollars each, the MTA will stop you at 4 people and say "exceeded limit". Why? Because it's inconvenient. That's why.
We stopped at Grand Central Terminal. Everyone was pleased. I was especially because it is my favorite place in NYC. No matter how busy, or how fast paced the day may be, the main concourse has a silence to it. Like a library. It is never as loud as it should be. It's simply the acoustics. It is beautiful. We spent more time in that room, looking at the ceiling and being bored by my knowledge about the cleanup of the station in the 90's, then I expected to. Finally, we got them to Port Authority so they could catch their bus. i had a long talk with my cousin walking east to west and i remembered why i like her so much, so this actually mad me sad to let her go away, which was my second change of heart for the day.
i love the city so much for it's history that I should really not be such a bitter pie about any part of it all. These are the things I am going to have to tell someone someday about....I know entirely too much about what happened 20-100 years ago and too little about what is going on now I guess. This new development boom bores me to tears I guess.
So now I am home and exhausted as could be from all the walking. Just sat down to eat some Tuna.
Do you know what it is like to try and eat Tuna with 3 cats in the house? It is f**king mayhem.
I am going to go read and pass out and hope my ankles do not hurt like holy hell tomorrow morning.
"Is it not cruel to let our city die by degrees, stripped of all her proud monuments, until there will be nothing left of all her history and beauty to inspire our children? If they are not inspired by the past of our city, where will they find the strength to fight for her future? Americans care about their past, but for short term gain they ignore it and tear down everything that matters. Maybe… this is the time to take a stand, to reverse the tide, so that we won't all end up in a uniform world of steel and glass boxes." - Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis (on the potential destruction of Grand Central Terminal/Station)
anyone who knows me will tell you that getting me within 15 minutes of my place of work in the daytime weekend is not something I strive for. I only do this if i have to go into the office, and if I have to do that I am pretty pissed. The area is insanely crowded. Manhattan in general is insanely crowed on the weekends but Soho and China Town are monstrosities.
handbagpradaguccicouchhandbag
Of course there were the usual train delays and reroutes that make this all the more an enjoyable experience. While I was on the train a veteran of our fine war (the current one) came in to tell the riders a tale of how he was injured in the war and denied benefits and needed some money for food so I gave him all the quarters I was not going to be using because i nixed laundry to go see Oklahoma. I felt so good doing this. Not too minutes later, a second man came in, to tell us all he had suffered a stroke, he was a war veteran (of our last fine war,Vietnam) and needed some money for food. He only got 11 cents from me because that was all i had left. I felt miserable about this until I was distracted by the realization I was being kicked off the train at 42 street because of track work.
I got off the subway all together at bleeker street because they were going to skip a whole bunch of stops, including mine, so i decided i might as well walk because at this rate, i was wasting too much time with this mass transit nonsense. I bought a watch at swatch (hey, i like them. They hold up in my hectic lifestyle) and heading down crazy Broadway towards wall street. To meet my cousin and her family at the Trinity Church. And to walk the World Trade Center site.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I have no desire to walk the world trade center site and anyone who knows me knows why. I decided that today I wouldn't say a world, because the people from Oklahoma would probably think one of the following things-
- How unpatriotic! Never forget!
- You've never done this and you work by here? You must be too cool for the room.
- Wow. she is still traumatized by the event. Poor gal. We can go somewhere else.
None of these are entirely true and none of them are entirely false. I've seen the site 100
times - i just never go to see it. I don't like to breathe when I am down there. And it isn't because of the Deutsche Bank building and the horror stories about asbestos, which i should add I stood in front of for 10 minutes today, but just because....Some people simply became dust that day. You know....this disturbs me. I bet it disturbs you too.
Anyway....I made the best of it. I mean, what could i do? Be myself? Not today! I was amazed at my numbness and actual pleasure during the walk. People asked me questions and I had answers. We went into some of the Financial Building Centers that had been rebuilt and looked at plans for the future of the wtc site. I took a picture of the miniature construction diorama. (And by the way, it looks better as a diorama then on paper.) I sat on the stairs, relaxed, and talked to my cousins daughter about how i loved to shop at the World Trade Center. Told her about the great Century 21 (just the shopping, not how it saved one of my best friend's lives.No morbid stuff). I wasn't sad or sentimental or melancholy (an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depression. ok.). I just was.
It seemed to take ages to get around there...and that is another reason I don't go. It is, after all, a construction site....it shouldn't take as long as it does to get anywhere as it does to get a few blocks down there. However, we then head up to Canal Street, to get Chinese food, and I see then where the exercise in trying to get from A to B is truly going to be tried. The place is lined, smushed, wall to wall people, everyday, so they can buy unbelievable, fake, gaudy, un-capitalistic crap. It's thirty times worse on a Saturday and I can see I am losing Oklahoma. I also learned today that many restaurants in Chinatown only take cash. I would have to tell them how much better they would do if they took plastic. The restaurants are closing down at an alarming rate. Oh well, no bother.
I couldn't have gotten off this crazy day of tourism at this point but for some sadistic reason I couldn't let it go. I was having the full on tourist experience. And now my team needed me where i excel. The Subway! I could have just walked them to the station and told them where to get off but I shivered at the concept of the 5 of them using the metrocard machines, not to mention the fact that the train may not go where it is supposed to and they would be faced with the same detours and delays as I had been. So we went - all of us. I also learned that if you buy a 10 dollar metro card, to be used for 5 people at 2 dollars each, the MTA will stop you at 4 people and say "exceeded limit". Why? Because it's inconvenient. That's why.
We stopped at Grand Central Terminal. Everyone was pleased. I was especially because it is my favorite place in NYC. No matter how busy, or how fast paced the day may be, the main concourse has a silence to it. Like a library. It is never as loud as it should be. It's simply the acoustics. It is beautiful. We spent more time in that room, looking at the ceiling and being bored by my knowledge about the cleanup of the station in the 90's, then I expected to. Finally, we got them to Port Authority so they could catch their bus. i had a long talk with my cousin walking east to west and i remembered why i like her so much, so this actually mad me sad to let her go away, which was my second change of heart for the day.
i love the city so much for it's history that I should really not be such a bitter pie about any part of it all. These are the things I am going to have to tell someone someday about....I know entirely too much about what happened 20-100 years ago and too little about what is going on now I guess. This new development boom bores me to tears I guess.
So now I am home and exhausted as could be from all the walking. Just sat down to eat some Tuna.
Do you know what it is like to try and eat Tuna with 3 cats in the house? It is f**king mayhem.
I am going to go read and pass out and hope my ankles do not hurt like holy hell tomorrow morning.
"Is it not cruel to let our city die by degrees, stripped of all her proud monuments, until there will be nothing left of all her history and beauty to inspire our children? If they are not inspired by the past of our city, where will they find the strength to fight for her future? Americans care about their past, but for short term gain they ignore it and tear down everything that matters. Maybe… this is the time to take a stand, to reverse the tide, so that we won't all end up in a uniform world of steel and glass boxes." - Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis (on the potential destruction of Grand Central Terminal/Station)
Friday, July 13, 2007
I'm about to tell you how i won the war
i don't know where to start.
that is what took me so long to start doing this more than anything...the knowing where to start.
I am not going to introduce myself.
The is happening because I am reminded frequently by my roommate that I should start writing again. In some way. I do not think I am much good at it these days. I retired young because I suffered some sort of emotional burnout that I haven't found a replacement fuse for. I tell/told myself it's because I have been fairly happy...and that an artist needs pain to create anything worthy. I tell myself a lot of nonsense.
My father sometimes asks me "are you still writing?". "yep". I write a ton purchase orders and I was very controversial on Craig's List Rants & Raves in 2006.
Part of the problem is not having the time to write - the other part is not having the privacy to write. There are constant distractions and I am constantly explaining to someone what i am doing. Writing on the subway is impossible. I hardly score a seat and if I do I put on my ipod and read just to ignore everything around me. I even try to think about this type of stuff at the laundrymat and when i am just about onto something....someone asks me if I am using the dryer I am standing infront of dazing off into space.
And just like that. I lose it. I go back to counting quarters.
The last poem I write was titled "Really" and was published in 1999. I can no longer find it in my papers - online - etc. i am trying to locate it on 3 1/2 floppies and apparently floppy disks make your computer crash now. Well....it is 2007. I am trying to remember just one line and it escapes me. Completely. I wrote it under a pen name. A pseudonym. I do not remember that now either. But for some reason I think if i find it I can have a reference point....a place to pick up from. Or to see how good or how bad I really was.
Long ago, I (co) wrote a sonnet for each character of the movie "Children of the Corn". Ok, They were more like lymerics. Even the dog, Sarge. I can rememebr that. Amazing. I wrote a poem in high school during a writing festival. I had to pick a word out of a hat or a bag and I picked the word "Sock" and write a poem in 3 minutes. I won. (last 3 lines: curl me up inside a ball. i wont move. i need you). Hack. I won 75 dollars.I cashed my first check in a check cashing place that day. We all cut the rest of school and ate a really big breakfast. Really big day.
The most intense thing I have ever written has been lost to my lack of motivation and sentiment. Which is a little sad...but all the while there is some reason for it and I cannot pick up where I left off....which is why I never picked up.
distractions call.
but this is a step in some direction.
that is what took me so long to start doing this more than anything...the knowing where to start.
I am not going to introduce myself.
The is happening because I am reminded frequently by my roommate that I should start writing again. In some way. I do not think I am much good at it these days. I retired young because I suffered some sort of emotional burnout that I haven't found a replacement fuse for. I tell/told myself it's because I have been fairly happy...and that an artist needs pain to create anything worthy. I tell myself a lot of nonsense.
My father sometimes asks me "are you still writing?". "yep". I write a ton purchase orders and I was very controversial on Craig's List Rants & Raves in 2006.
Part of the problem is not having the time to write - the other part is not having the privacy to write. There are constant distractions and I am constantly explaining to someone what i am doing. Writing on the subway is impossible. I hardly score a seat and if I do I put on my ipod and read just to ignore everything around me. I even try to think about this type of stuff at the laundrymat and when i am just about onto something....someone asks me if I am using the dryer I am standing infront of dazing off into space.
And just like that. I lose it. I go back to counting quarters.
The last poem I write was titled "Really" and was published in 1999. I can no longer find it in my papers - online - etc. i am trying to locate it on 3 1/2 floppies and apparently floppy disks make your computer crash now. Well....it is 2007. I am trying to remember just one line and it escapes me. Completely. I wrote it under a pen name. A pseudonym. I do not remember that now either. But for some reason I think if i find it I can have a reference point....a place to pick up from. Or to see how good or how bad I really was.
Long ago, I (co) wrote a sonnet for each character of the movie "Children of the Corn". Ok, They were more like lymerics. Even the dog, Sarge. I can rememebr that. Amazing. I wrote a poem in high school during a writing festival. I had to pick a word out of a hat or a bag and I picked the word "Sock" and write a poem in 3 minutes. I won. (last 3 lines: curl me up inside a ball. i wont move. i need you). Hack. I won 75 dollars.I cashed my first check in a check cashing place that day. We all cut the rest of school and ate a really big breakfast. Really big day.
The most intense thing I have ever written has been lost to my lack of motivation and sentiment. Which is a little sad...but all the while there is some reason for it and I cannot pick up where I left off....which is why I never picked up.
distractions call.
but this is a step in some direction.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
happy easter
I'm haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune
-poe
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune
-poe
Monday, April 02, 2007
and I won't lie. I just wanna go home. I just wanna go home...
Yes people, amazingly just hours before BW I could get around in a normal shoe. I am happy this happened because I already make enough a spectacle of myself day to day, I don't need a surgical device to help me.I have to thank Liz for arranging for me to get some special attention directed at my foot in the bar in Boston. That was very sweet of her and although I was embarrassed at first I now giggle every time I think of it. I also met some really cool people from Damone, Ok Go, Rocket and of course the LGOT's (whom I never get a chance to say hey to). Everyone was lots of fun in Boston at the bar. Karaoke really puts people in a colorful and revealing mood. Apparently we all love the Spice Girls...well at least for at least two minutes in time.
They have a train that runs right down the street long side traffic. i didn't know that! That's f**king crazy. Yet....
I recoil. Jebus. Pennsylvania chewed me up and spit me out.To make a VERY long story short the weekend was a tad bit more adventurous then we had all planned for. We did however have gremlins (a mix of every soda and ade in the eatery) and vodka...which i named "Spikes". My dad would be proud of me drinking on the street like a real class-A hoochie woman. I also had a unnamed shot (barkeep wouldn't tell, that's sorta scary now) of alcohol in the bar with Jessica that tasted like what the beach smells like. It was lovely.There was a slight change of plans but the BW show in Philadelphia was awesome and amongst one of the best I have yet to see. Pink made an appearance for "Song Without.." which was a thrill (one of my favs). The bar we went to after the show was pretty cool, and the scenery was terrific, and I was happy as a clam. And clammy as well.
Next morning was filled with awful dread as we made our 300 mile journey to Pittsburgh. Have you ever been to Pittsburgh? It certainly took me by surprise. I have never been to such a place - the sights, the bridges, the peace officers. 2 minutes into our arrival I was scared to all heck - praying to whoever was still paying attention that I got out of this town alive.This show was in a converted church. BW fans in Pittsburgh are pretty intense, and I never saw it coming, but the crowd and the show was so full of energy and passion that it made the trip worthwhile. I did not get to spend much time around the master of ceremonies but I did get to say "goodbye and thank you". The photos are a little "smokey".
Mostly I am really happy about the great people I got to hang with and for Liz, Jessica and Tracey making it all bearable even under really icker conditions. I am glad everyone is home safe and sound and all is well in the world (well, not really at all...but sorta) Fact is, I almost didn't make it with my busted foot and all so the whole thing was sort of a miracle for me to begin with. My highlights also include the 1st album cuts and the Marvie songs. It is never disappointing and Butch Walker is a legendary performer.
NY is tomorrow. Will see what, if anything at all in my broken state, that will bring.
They have a train that runs right down the street long side traffic. i didn't know that! That's f**king crazy. Yet....
I recoil. Jebus. Pennsylvania chewed me up and spit me out.To make a VERY long story short the weekend was a tad bit more adventurous then we had all planned for. We did however have gremlins (a mix of every soda and ade in the eatery) and vodka...which i named "Spikes". My dad would be proud of me drinking on the street like a real class-A hoochie woman. I also had a unnamed shot (barkeep wouldn't tell, that's sorta scary now) of alcohol in the bar with Jessica that tasted like what the beach smells like. It was lovely.There was a slight change of plans but the BW show in Philadelphia was awesome and amongst one of the best I have yet to see. Pink made an appearance for "Song Without.." which was a thrill (one of my favs). The bar we went to after the show was pretty cool, and the scenery was terrific, and I was happy as a clam. And clammy as well.
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| Butch Walker March 30th,2007 |
Next morning was filled with awful dread as we made our 300 mile journey to Pittsburgh. Have you ever been to Pittsburgh? It certainly took me by surprise. I have never been to such a place - the sights, the bridges, the peace officers. 2 minutes into our arrival I was scared to all heck - praying to whoever was still paying attention that I got out of this town alive.This show was in a converted church. BW fans in Pittsburgh are pretty intense, and I never saw it coming, but the crowd and the show was so full of energy and passion that it made the trip worthwhile. I did not get to spend much time around the master of ceremonies but I did get to say "goodbye and thank you". The photos are a little "smokey".
 |
| Butch Walker March 31st, 2007 |
Mostly I am really happy about the great people I got to hang with and for Liz, Jessica and Tracey making it all bearable even under really icker conditions. I am glad everyone is home safe and sound and all is well in the world (well, not really at all...but sorta) Fact is, I almost didn't make it with my busted foot and all so the whole thing was sort of a miracle for me to begin with. My highlights also include the 1st album cuts and the Marvie songs. It is never disappointing and Butch Walker is a legendary performer.
NY is tomorrow. Will see what, if anything at all in my broken state, that will bring.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
off to see the wizard
going to oz or the circus for the day or two.
yay!
UPDATE (3/29/07)
photos from Boston Show (3/28/07) Rocket, The Honorary Title and Butch Walker and the LGOTs
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| Butch Walker March 28 2007 |
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