since awakening I have watched "posh and becks" true Hollywood story, and about 4 minutes of "keeping up with the kardashians". I guess the mother had a trainer over to help them with their diets...and she suggested putting a chicken coop on the property so they could have fresh eggs. I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues because I think that's disgusting and I shut it off. I hate reality TV. It's all forced and scripted.
So I made a cup of coffee, ate some cookies. Contemplated my own chicken egg coop so I could stop like eating cookies for breakfast and sat down here. I have made the following observations about being unemployed:
1- I wasn't happy at work this whole year. I am bereaved because of my grandmothers death and I needed a job that made me feel useful and important. This job that I had was much the opposite. I think they bullied me in a way. No one could help me out when I asked for help. So now I feel it was pretty spiteful. I don't think I like that at all.
2- My resume looks like crap and I am too uninspired to even sit here and redo the stupid thing.
3-I truly only want to hang out with my boyfriend and THINK about going to the gym. I won't actually get off my ass and go to the gym.
4-Some may think I am lazy or feeling sorry for myself. My friend who has been on bed rest with a high-risk pregnancy said she said something like "well i never had the chance to be lazy before" when faced with the dilemma of being on the couch for months at end. Yeah. I hear that! So there is my silver lining. Except like why the fuck am I comparing being fired to bed rest???? I would like to relax for like a week. But i keep coming across jobs that want to pay me a whole lot of money. I feel like every minute passing is an opportunity lost. So you can see why it sucks to me someone like me, and to be on the dole.
5-Everyone says right now I should do all the stuff that I haven't had a chance to do. You don't really want to do that when you're confused about your future. I had HIGH hopes and now I am totally stalled. I can't stand not having control over basically anything...so this is no treat. Then I feel like everyone MIGHT think I am not trying hard enough. Yes. I still care what people think of me.
So my main dilemma is trying to be comfortable with NOT being a "monster" as my roommate put it the other day. I have to let this LIE for a few days. I cannot run right out there and dedicate myself to another shit job because I feel the need to
prove myself to myself or others or because well, I feel NOT having a job is the lowest form of existence. (There is a REALLY REALLY good reason for that).
But I am so not like that!!!
This morning in between THS and Kardashians I also saw a commercial for Milla Jovovich's Target line. And I said "Why Milla? WHY NOW?" (I actually texted my discontent to my boyfriend, who is at his job, and i am sure he is still rolling his eyes now).Ok, who is Carmen Hawk? Anyway. I guess this is what it looks like and I now vaguely remember something about this on Jezebel.
I like 2 and 4 - which i BET are not Milla inspired cos she said something about flowers in the commercial and I don't do flowers anymore. I don not think I have done floral since my 1st year of employment when I wore long floral skirts. Wretch!
Thankfully I am not floored by the line at all.
There is a Yoga class in 1 hour and 45 minutes. I can only imagine what the gym is like on a Thursday afternoon. Daytime people terrify me.
More about that soon I am sure.
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