I really have nothing else to do but sit here and read
I have returned from my adventure to the daytime world and let me tell you it ain't pretty. Much as I suspected daytime people are all people who are out there because they have to be. Meaning, they are elderly, disabled or legally insane and honestly, in my experience, these are pretty much the same thing. Wait I forgot the 4Th possible category: suddenly unemployed.
The lady on the treadmill next to mine was singing out loud. But you know, like every 9th line of the song, so it would be sort of jarring when she would burst out full throttle. She was also doing some sort of rain dance shit. She was tremendously out of shape,god bless her, but it is pretty obvious she is new to this because she was (1) tremendously out of shape and (2)she was acting like an asshole on the treadmill and I will bet my entire gym membership that nighttime people simply don't stand for that shit.
Another man in the gym was on like a stair-climber type thing and he was going so fast it looked as if someone had it on fast motion like they would do on TV, like on Benny Hill. I was laughing so hard I nearly ate it and fell off my treadmill. Basically I cannot change my center of gravity at all on a treadmill or I go wobbling off. And yet I am judging the actions of others at the gym? But you should have seen this guy. I am pretty sure he wasn't doing it right.
Lastly when I tried to use the elliptical stations, there was a man about 7 inches shorter then I am - in full cycling wear. I mean, head to toe spandex and sunglasses that covered most of his face. He also had a ace bandage (or old pantyhose) tied around his knee cap. He looked like a pirate/jockey hybrid. And then his woman. She looked like a biker. And I mean like she was in the Ching-a-Ling gang. She looked mad that I was using station 6, because she was coming up on station 6. So I stopped and fucking left. No need for that sort of heat.
I walked home and I went to get my eyebrows/misc. hairiness done as a reward for leaving the house. When I walked in the 'salon' what appeared to be four 3rd graders getting manicures all stared at me, and I was ever so enthused to actually get all sorts of facial hair peeled straight out of my face, and come back out blistered with redness, only to have these brats KNOW that I am old and hairy. Then I remembered they all must have old hairy, mothers. They are after all getting manicures and they are like 10.
On a total side note, my room mate had ordered a microwave in anticipation of us moving soon (are we still since i am now a broke ass _______? stay tuned). She ordered it for like a dollar from Macy's. So somehow, they sent her TWO of them, days apart. And they both had the same order number. So basically it was the perfect crime. Two cheap ass microwaves for like REAL cheap.
Room mate takes the high road and calls Macy's and tells them what has transpired. So today, UPS gets here and picks up the box. I meet the UPS guy and he says I am also supposed to pick up an iron. Now i know room mate has this iron up here, but I know she only got one of those. So I tell the UPS guy "That must be some mistake. We aren't returning the iron".
I know he thinks I am a lezbian now and that is fine. But then he gives me a slip and says ok take this for when you are going to return that.
I am now eating a plum and drinking a beer. I know. Who does that???
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