I'm about to tell you how i won the war

i don't know where to start.

that is what took me so long to start doing this more than anything...the knowing where to start.

I am not going to introduce myself.

The is happening because I am reminded frequently by my roommate that I should start writing again. In some way. I do not think I am much good at it these days. I retired young because I suffered some sort of emotional burnout that I haven't found a replacement fuse for. I tell/told myself it's because I have been fairly happy...and that an artist needs pain to create anything worthy. I tell myself a lot of nonsense.

My father sometimes asks me "are you still writing?". "yep". I write a ton purchase orders and I was very controversial on Craig's List Rants & Raves in 2006.

Part of the problem is not having the time to write - the other part is not having the privacy to write. There are constant distractions and I am constantly explaining to someone what i am doing. Writing on the subway is impossible. I hardly score a seat and if I do I put on my ipod and read just to ignore everything around me. I even try to think about this type of stuff at the laundrymat and when i am just about onto something....someone asks me if I am using the dryer I am standing infront of dazing off into space.

And just like that. I lose it. I go back to counting quarters.

The last poem I write was titled "Really" and was published in 1999. I can no longer find it in my papers - online - etc. i am trying to locate it on 3 1/2 floppies and apparently floppy disks make your computer crash now. Well....it is 2007. I am trying to remember just one line and it escapes me. Completely. I wrote it under a pen name. A pseudonym. I do not remember that now either. But for some reason I think if i find it I can have a reference point....a place to pick up from. Or to see how good or how bad I really was.

Long ago, I (co) wrote a sonnet for each character of the movie "Children of the Corn". Ok, They were more like lymerics. Even the dog, Sarge. I can rememebr that. Amazing. I wrote a poem in high school during a writing festival. I had to pick a word out of a hat or a bag and I picked the word "Sock" and write a poem in 3 minutes. I won. (last 3 lines: curl me up inside a ball. i wont move. i need you). Hack. I won 75 dollars.I cashed my first check in a check cashing place that day. We all cut the rest of school and ate a really big breakfast. Really big day.

The most intense thing I have ever written has been lost to my lack of motivation and sentiment. Which is a little sad...but all the while there is some reason for it and I cannot pick up where I left off....which is why I never picked up.

distractions call.

but this is a step in some direction.