i can't get no satisfaction

I have to call someone I promised I would call. I want to but I won't commit. Why? A call will turn into a hangout.

I need a shower and I drank and now I shouldn't drive.

So instead I am blogging this, because I am a jerk who doesn't keep promises apparently. I am not the only person on the earth to break a promise. Now I know how uncomfortable other people feel when they do it to me.

I do not like this. I will call. Yipes.

Update: Number is not in my cell phone. Well, we all know what that means. When's the last time you memorized a phone number? Plzzzzzzz.





So, Nicole Ritchie is with child and Joel Madden is officially eternally famous. God bless that little dwarf. I don't even care or have anything against her. She is just so TINY and she has been so f**ked up previously. I am happy for her. Sincerely. No better way to straighten out one's life then to become preggers. It snaps your neck right back into place. Unless you are a REAL loser.


Yeah. You heard me.

I cannot at this point imagine what it may be like to have a baby. I do not know what this means but it isn't up there with my goals like it once was. Working long hours, not having a man around - I guess I am out of the zone, as they say. But the truth is, if I do not get my ass into the zone, I am not going to have a family. My father told me to adopt. i said "Adoption is for rich people, Daddy. People like you and I get to babysit a foster kid that their crack saturated parent(s) will eventually come back and snatch away".



I know. I am a total hater. I appreciate that my Father tried, at least, to keep me from giving up.

Now that I am at this point, all my years of responsibility seem silly. Like there would be no other way for me to have a child unless it was a complete accident. Much like Ms. Ritchie (I won't buy that this was a planned pregnancy). Much like myself. I mean, I cannot even imagine discussing dinner with a man today, let alone children.

Hey. I am not old at all. Lord knows where my uterus will wind up. How many I will have, etc. I just know I want a child more than I want a relationship (if i have to compare the two) and I do not know what that means for me. I suppose, if I had a lot of money, I would have a donor and call it a day.

It's only because of two things:
-I am not interested in nurturing a man anymore. Seems like that is the one type I have had.
-I do not want to ask anyone to help me do something I can probably do just as well myself.

Wow. Jaded.

Anyway, I am going to stick with not wanting a baby really. If I did I would make different choices in general wouldn't I?

Should it happen (and it would be like some immaculate conception) I guess I am keeping my baby. That is the synopsis. I am well past the "I don't know what I am going to do if the stick turns blue".

Shit my landlady is coming up. Just in the nick of time!