i received the following email today.

Dear Sir,

My greetings to you and your lovely family! This mail might come to you as asurprise
and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind; but please
consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility. My name is
Martinez Morgan. I am a 54 years old man, I am Cuban currently residing in Venezuela
(Venezuela). I was formerly living in Cuba and served under Castro`s government
but had to run into self exile after the ruling Government of Fidel Castro closed
in on my family on accusations of anti-government statements, I was once married
with two children but my family also my wife and children escape to america before
they where one of those vitim in world trade centre.

l did made a lot of money serving Castro and on getting to Venezuela, I have been
a merchant here in Venezuela dealing in Ornamentals, Oriental Carpets and Artifacts
and life was very smooth for me until about three(3) years ago when I was first
diagnosed of Stone kidney. Before this happened my business and concern for making
money was all I lived for, I never really cared about other values in life. But
since the loss of my family and hometown, I have found a new desire to assist helpless
families. I have been helping orphans in orphanage/motherless homes.

I have once donated some money to orphans in war ravaged Eritrea, Somalia, Sudan
and some East European Countries.
Before I became ill, I kept $ 4.5 Million in a long-term deposit vault of a finance
company and I now that i have lost my 2 kids and my lovely wife who was suppose
to be next of kin when the money was deposited and if I died without putting some
one incharge to use it for the help of those motherless and homeless as well as
orphanege homes so that the money will not automatically go into the coffers of
the finance company and I don`t want this to happen. I have left the hospital and
presently receiving treatment in an acupuncture clinic, I have been undergoing treatment
for Stone kidney at the hospital.

I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only
a few months to live. It is my last wish to see this money distributed to those
who really needs it then allowing it to get lost in the bank or any organizations
will not use it for the good work of GOD.

Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness,
I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.
Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit and distribute
it amongst charity organizations. Use your judgement to distribute the money and
feel free to reimburse yourself when you have the money for any cost you incur during
the process of collecting and distributing the money to charity organizations. I
am willing to offer you a reward If you are willing to help, please reply as soon
as you can on my alternate email address:( mar.morgan54@gmail.com ). Looking forward
to hearing from you soonest.

Best wishes,



-stone kidney eh? sounds serious!

today's interview - like sand in my bathing suit - only less comfortable

hello world. yes i am still blogging for all 10 of you who read this. Things have been hectic as of late. I have given myself over to staffing agencies. Been interviewing a bit more. Still have yet to find a job.

Today I had an interview that required I dress up in a suit and heels and smile a lot. The past few years I have been able to get by on skill alone, but desperation in these desperate times now requires that I dress up like a CEO and march in just to tell someone I can answer phones and type memos. How does my clothing show the world any of this? It doesn't. It is stupid. Now I am not saying you should interview in jeans and a tee-shirt, although I should add that half my interviewers have in fact been in jeans and a tee-shirt, but a black suit....come on now. It means nothing at all.

But i digress. I initially met with the CFO or CEO or controller. She was very staunch - but nice. And we had what I thought was a decent, even great, interview. So great in fact she asked me to hang out and meet with the principal. I agreed of course- he would be the guy I would be assisting.

We walk into his office - he glances at a chair and says sit down. I immediately dislike this man and I can tell this will never work. But I say to myself "you've worked for some really big jerks, maria. Give it a chance." Then he asks me several condescending questions about my resume (which is pretty good) and mentions to the CEO that he doesn't need someone to "do all this" - the controller and the principal have a quick conversation about why i would be needed,who I would be assisting, all the while making me insanely uncomfortable.

And then it happens.

"where is this in the Bronx?" (i explain where i live)
"How long did it take you to get here?" (40 minutes...he says sourly "that long?" I consider this quick!)
"Are you married?" (No.)
"do you have children?" (NO. but this time laser beams are about to shoot out my eyeballs)
"Because that would make it very hard for you to get into work". (yes. he fucking said this)

At this point as far as I am concerned the interview is over and I wont even work for this fat, selfish piece of shit whose idea of family is the business he owns and the people (his sons) who work for/with him. I met with one of his sons, just because I didn't feel good walking right out since the CEO had been so gracious so far. He was really nice. If he had been the guy I would work for it would have been a different game.

I got outside and immediately called the staffer who set this up and I told him what happened. He agrees with me that it was inappropriate but defended the guy for asking. When I tell him I cant take the job, he gets aggravated and pretty much terminates the call. At this point I am fine with all this - but I know in my heart it isn't over at all. I know that they loved me. I know I can have the job that I didn't want. I knew they would call him and tell him this.

Phone rings about 40 minutes later. It's the staffer - calling to tell me they love me and that he discussed why i was not a happy camper. He tells me initally he didnt tell them we had spoken, and they sys he told the CEO we spoke. I notice at this point he is a liar, and a bad one at that. He goes on in all sorts of ways to defend why this man asked me these questions, such as wanting to get to know me, which was all untrue because the man told me it was because I couldn't get to work in the morning of I had a family. When i pointed this out to this asshole staffer - he got angry and again terminated the call.

me-" I appreciate what you are trying to do Ric, but he made me very uncomfortable"

ric-"What i am trying to do???? I am only relating information. You know what, I am gonna wish you good luck and say goodbye"

me-"Goodbye"

This phone call left me so deflated and made me realize just how shitty women have it. Seriously, I do not want to be thinking about this guy if and when I get engaged, married or have children....which is what I was trying to explain to the agent,Ric the asshole, who really did not give a shit about my feelings, all the while. It is wrong for the guy to ask the questions (illegal actually) but if he wishes to know that and it is something he doesn't want then I agree! Don't hire me! But not only was I made to feel inadequate because I am female, I also had my nose shoved in it....2 more times by my count.

I decided to temp if that is at all possible. I am officially bitter!!

Happy Memorial Day!!

how annoying

i have been subpoenaed to attend a resume writing workshop in a continuing effort to assist me in obtaining employment.

i have to report to someplace on east 149th street on May 15th with my resume. If i do not - this is the BEST PART, the part when they threaten me- my benefits might be suspended.

HOW FUCKING ANNOYING!

I just finished a conversation in which I said 'maybe i will learn something' and
My fiend said "i doubt it. i do not think anyone has ever learned anything on 149th street". She is probably unequivocally, absolutley and totally right. I don't have time to look up on Wikipedia what has happened on 149th street so I will recap my few memory:having coffee at a bodega at 7 am with two women who were drinking 40 oz's


HOW FUCKING ANNOYING!

show me the money. or spare me.

New York State has asked me to participate in the South Bronx Workforce Career Center Program. I am offended for the following reasons:

1- I am not from, living in or interested in the South Bronx. Just the North. Thanks.
2- Here is what I get from the site they pointed me to after wasting 2 hours of my time filling out forms and answering questions.


Below are the job openings that matched your search.

There are currently no jobs listed with America's Job Bank in this field within: (ANYWHERE not 25,50,100 miles or NEW YORK STATE (.)period)

You can revise your search radius, or visit America's Job Bank for more search options.


So I did visit America's Job Bank for more search options
Here is what America's Job Bank had to offer:

Cleaners of Boats: inspect parts, equipment and boat for cleanliness, damage and compliance with standards or regulations. Scrub, scrape, or spray machine parts, equipment or boats - using scrapers and brushes, cloths, cleaners, disinfectants, insecticides, acid, abrasive...

On Site Linen Manager: The qualified professional will provide in-service linen management, inventory control and maintain good customer relations in a facility located in Brooklyn. The person must be proficient in microsoft office and excel, be organized and have strong leadership...

Carnival Worker: Friendly, outgoing, energetic staff. All positions open full and part-time. Carnival ride attendanats, games, crafts and fun foods. No experience necessary. Driver's license a plus. Heavy lifting involved. Weekends required.

I should point out that the Carnival Job is a new york state job, but surprisingly not listed with the NYS job bank. Go figure. The typo on attendanats is also their typo....

the plans that we made...a street serenade

you can't be like your
brother and mike,
content just to live and get by.
i hope that your fine,
at 13th and 9.
waxing or waning?
your call.
but i see you there
alight at the top of the stairs
but so far away
and i recall all your
hands and your plans moving me
the sense that it made
a street serenade.


-waxing or waning, better then ezra

no but everything's fine

80,000 jobs slashed in March

U.S. employers slashed jobs for the third straight month in March, the longest period of declines since early 2003. CNNMoney.com reports the unemployment rose to a nearly three-year high, yet another sign the economy may be falling into a recession.

I feel better that 79,999 other people have suffered this cruel fate.

In other news, the pregnant "man" - he is obviously NOT REALLY A MAN. SO look at it this way - he is a bearded WOMAN who is pregnant. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL!!!???
Ugh. this country should be bombed from space forever.

7 am is the new 8 am

This morning something strange happened on the television.... Rainy days and Mondays....I tell ya....

I overheard the newscaster say that the MTA stated they would be unable to comply with the previously issued improvements they said they would make if they increased the fares. And they did raise the fares. I may have been dreaming. But it seems that is what they said, to which I reply, "Are you fucking kidding me?".

It is not as if I believed at any point that the MTA could really improve anything, I mean, there is only so much you can do for a system that satisfies 7 million customers daily. At this point the only way to help is to have one constant platform moving and people just jump onto it. I also really want to know precisely how the congestion pricing is going to affect the trains. If the thousands of people who drive in every morning want to get on the train now, I do not know where we are going to put them. I have been tempted to just roll myself under the seats and travel in that way because there is no room. No room at all. Even leaving hours earlier is no longer helping. Apparently everyone goes to work at 7 am. I guess 7 am is the new 8 am.

My only two complaints about the system are that there is not enough service for people, and there just can't really be. And that there is not really a good level of coordination at all. Alas, they never promised me a rose garden. I never cared how dirty the trains were, how much crime was on the subway etc. I just wanted to get to work in under an hour. Infuckingpossible.

But for now that is all someone else's problem. Hoorah!

My employment dilemma carries on and between me and everyone reading this, I have no desire to work, to look for work, to commit to a job, to feign enthusiasm, to attempt to wear a skirt, to smile and say I really am a team player but I work well independently too. None. And I really won't. I bet there are nice people out there I have just been dealing with the same people for so long I am sheltered and I am in all likelihood a little insane. I fear I have Stockholm syndrome and I sympathize with morons.

Today I worked out to the new Counting Crows album. I am pretty sure that is a clear sign of mental illness.

it is raining

OK so the weather is total shit. I am going to go to the gym now I guess.

I really have nothing else to do but sit here and read

I have returned from my adventure to the daytime world and let me tell you it ain't pretty. Much as I suspected daytime people are all people who are out there because they have to be. Meaning, they are elderly, disabled or legally insane and honestly, in my experience, these are pretty much the same thing. Wait I forgot the 4Th possible category: suddenly unemployed.

The lady on the treadmill next to mine was singing out loud. But you know, like every 9th line of the song, so it would be sort of jarring when she would burst out full throttle. She was also doing some sort of rain dance shit. She was tremendously out of shape,god bless her, but it is pretty obvious she is new to this because she was (1) tremendously out of shape and (2)she was acting like an asshole on the treadmill and I will bet my entire gym membership that nighttime people simply don't stand for that shit.

Another man in the gym was on like a stair-climber type thing and he was going so fast it looked as if someone had it on fast motion like they would do on TV, like on Benny Hill. I was laughing so hard I nearly ate it and fell off my treadmill. Basically I cannot change my center of gravity at all on a treadmill or I go wobbling off. And yet I am judging the actions of others at the gym? But you should have seen this guy. I am pretty sure he wasn't doing it right.

Lastly when I tried to use the elliptical stations, there was a man about 7 inches shorter then I am - in full cycling wear. I mean, head to toe spandex and sunglasses that covered most of his face. He also had a ace bandage (or old pantyhose) tied around his knee cap. He looked like a pirate/jockey hybrid. And then his woman. She looked like a biker. And I mean like she was in the Ching-a-Ling gang. She looked mad that I was using station 6, because she was coming up on station 6. So I stopped and fucking left. No need for that sort of heat.

I walked home and I went to get my eyebrows/misc. hairiness done as a reward for leaving the house. When I walked in the 'salon' what appeared to be four 3rd graders getting manicures all stared at me, and I was ever so enthused to actually get all sorts of facial hair peeled straight out of my face, and come back out blistered with redness, only to have these brats KNOW that I am old and hairy. Then I remembered they all must have old hairy, mothers. They are after all getting manicures and they are like 10.

On a total side note, my room mate had ordered a microwave in anticipation of us moving soon (are we still since i am now a broke ass _______? stay tuned). She ordered it for like a dollar from Macy's. So somehow, they sent her TWO of them, days apart. And they both had the same order number. So basically it was the perfect crime. Two cheap ass microwaves for like REAL cheap.
Room mate takes the high road and calls Macy's and tells them what has transpired. So today, UPS gets here and picks up the box. I meet the UPS guy and he says I am also supposed to pick up an iron. Now i know room mate has this iron up here, but I know she only got one of those. So I tell the UPS guy "That must be some mistake. We aren't returning the iron".

I know he thinks I am a lezbian now and that is fine. But then he gives me a slip and says ok take this for when you are going to return that.

I am now eating a plum and drinking a beer. I know. Who does that???

who is carmen hawke?

I have been awake for one hour 26 minutes.

since awakening I have watched "posh and becks" true Hollywood story, and about 4 minutes of "keeping up with the kardashians". I guess the mother had a trainer over to help them with their diets...and she suggested putting a chicken coop on the property so they could have fresh eggs. I can only imagine the hilarity that ensues because I think that's disgusting and I shut it off. I hate reality TV. It's all forced and scripted.

So I made a cup of coffee, ate some cookies. Contemplated my own chicken egg coop so I could stop like eating cookies for breakfast and sat down here. I have made the following observations about being unemployed:

1- I wasn't happy at work this whole year. I am bereaved because of my grandmothers death and I needed a job that made me feel useful and important. This job that I had was much the opposite. I think they bullied me in a way. No one could help me out when I asked for help. So now I feel it was pretty spiteful. I don't think I like that at all.

2- My resume looks like crap and I am too uninspired to even sit here and redo the stupid thing.

3-I truly only want to hang out with my boyfriend and THINK about going to the gym. I won't actually get off my ass and go to the gym.

4-Some may think I am lazy or feeling sorry for myself. My friend who has been on bed rest with a high-risk pregnancy said she said something like "well i never had the chance to be lazy before" when faced with the dilemma of being on the couch for months at end. Yeah. I hear that! So there is my silver lining. Except like why the fuck am I comparing being fired to bed rest???? I would like to relax for like a week. But i keep coming across jobs that want to pay me a whole lot of money. I feel like every minute passing is an opportunity lost. So you can see why it sucks to me someone like me, and to be on the dole.

5-Everyone says right now I should do all the stuff that I haven't had a chance to do. You don't really want to do that when you're confused about your future. I had HIGH hopes and now I am totally stalled. I can't stand not having control over basically anything...so this is no treat. Then I feel like everyone MIGHT think I am not trying hard enough. Yes. I still care what people think of me.

So my main dilemma is trying to be comfortable with NOT being a "monster" as my roommate put it the other day. I have to let this LIE for a few days. I cannot run right out there and dedicate myself to another shit job because I feel the need to
prove myself to myself or others or because well, I feel NOT having a job is the lowest form of existence. (There is a REALLY REALLY good reason for that).
But I am so not like that!!!

This morning in between THS and Kardashians I also saw a commercial for Milla Jovovich's Target line. And I said "Why Milla? WHY NOW?" (I actually texted my discontent to my boyfriend, who is at his job, and i am sure he is still rolling his eyes now).Ok, who is Carmen Hawk? Anyway. I guess this is what it looks like and I now vaguely remember something about this on Jezebel.



I like 2 and 4 - which i BET are not Milla inspired cos she said something about flowers in the commercial and I don't do flowers anymore. I don not think I have done floral since my 1st year of employment when I wore long floral skirts. Wretch!

Thankfully I am not floored by the line at all.

There is a Yoga class in 1 hour and 45 minutes. I can only imagine what the gym is like on a Thursday afternoon. Daytime people terrify me.

More about that soon I am sure.

i don't feel like bloody working!

so my boyfriend will be here in 5.

We are going to go for a walk. Get some food. Get some beer.

I look adorable and you know what:

no one has called me yet for an interview and you know what:

i don't feel like fucking working anyway!

There!!! I said it!

i sort of lost my job this week.

well i totally did.

but look at this:


http://zoltanslab.co.uk/index.html

ok i feel a lil better now

Quick Vote

Paris Hilton's new show: Would you compete to be her best friend?

Yes 4% 507
No 96% 11410

Total Votes: 11917

this is so not normal!

i left my job! to rush home to my sweetie and get dinner!

"i am not going to shower. ill shower after dinner"

Torrential downpour. I get caught in the rain. So i decide to shower.....

(start "Phycho" music!)


Um....

what!????

But I just like....washed my body with that.....


Now...how to brush my teeth!?

WTF!!
Obviously the shower I took outside was cleaner then the one inside!!!!

all in a morning

After discussing the small explosion, at times square and uneccessary violence like
political terrorism

robyn: people don't know how to deal with ther emotions
11:40 AM
robyn: OO most importantly i saw williem defoe this morning his eyes are firce
11:45 AM
maria: holy shit

another dollar .....another day

so work sucks. next.

i am listening to the new blind melon.
"every day above ground was a good one".
Perhaps one of my favorite expressions, reminiscent of my all time favorite show...the dramariffic Six Feet Under.

Me and my sweetheart went to see Blind Melon at the Hiro Ballroom (the venue kicks ass aesthetically) in NYC Saturday night. Honestly, I had to drag myself to the show. I am a purist, a music snob, a moron when it comes to most things musical. I am opinionated..."Yeah, seriously, you're totally elitist. You feel like the unappreciated scholars, so you shit onto people who know lesser than you"(High Fidelity).

That'd be me.

So we go. And right before the show I am all like this is going to be weird with this new singer and i don't know if i should even be here. Blah blah blah. Well they ruled. It was an excellent show and not only was I impressed but Ant (my sweetheart) was equally impressed and he had never been a Blind Melon fan to begin with.

I wasn't a Blind Melon fan to begin with.* I actually hated them because of the single "No Rain" and the asinine "Bee Girl" video. I was all like "Yeah, this is what we need - a hick singing in a field about love and happiness". The truth of the matter is that single is a poor representation of the band, and their talents..which are widely displayed on the 1st album that 'No Rain' was on (self titled debut). But more so on "Soup" (the 2nd and last album, due to Shannon Hoon's drug overdose while touring in support of that album) and "Nico" released after his death.

Remember when musicians used to die quiet and non-especially-surprising deaths? Maybe it is in fact the digital age. Maybe I was too young to pick up a news paper. but in my day (lol) when a musician or actor died there were a day or two of press...no prying, no trying to solve the god-damn mystery of it all (less Kurt Cobain, but that was some shady business. next). Michael Hutchence asphyxiated himself in an auto-erotic accident and people let it go...pretty quickly.

So things have changed. and now it's all about the moments leading up to and what people did and didn't do to help and how they could have been saved if only....
and blaming family and friends. I honestly do think most of the hysteria surrounds women in music and acting who do drugs ..... i don't think the world is ready to handle them yet. i mean...we only had the one, Courtney, and everyone hates her. So.

Anyway. I read that Shannon Hoon was forced to tour by Capitol Records.

I really hate Britney Spears.


(* i started to listen to Blind Melon when Soup was released).

blood in my ice cream

i have to blog this although i haven't blogged in an eternity.

i had a bad day today in what seems like a series of bad days when i finally decide after walking around only saying "narf" to everyone for the evening that i should have some ice cream to cheer me up.

la la la la. troll off to the kitchen and scoop away.

the results:






so i guess the spoon was so fucking cold - it touched my lip and took a strip of skin off. Much like the affects of sticking your tongue to a pole.

Yes!
There is blood in my ice cream.

one more time without emotion

I got a day off from work today because of flooding and tornadoes. In NYC. Yeah. Totally normal. I have nothing to do. Nothing at all. Sitting waiting for webmail.

So I get to sit in my hot ass apartment all day and do basically nothing because it is too hot to do anything at all. At work the AC is excellent. At work the AC is free!

The Brita water pitcher is frozen solid. I have to drink tap water. Non filtered Tap water.

Everyone who is at work wishes they didn't go in. It's quiet because no one is in the city because no one could really get there except for the few "lucky" bastards at my office.

This weeks heat has made everyone sick too. Everyone is getting a cold. It's like the consumption. I feel like I am living in the 20's.

Last night I went to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and it kicked total ass. The two opening bands were a sight for sore eyes too. The 1st act was called "Girls Girls Girls". When they came out on stage I realized they were an all-female Motley Crue cover act. This would only happen to me. No one could make this shit up if they
tried.

The second band is called "The Tiny Masters" - it is a 10 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. They are from Brooklyn. They were entertaining, but I thought I was watching two female primordial dwarfs for about 10 minutes. Again, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

The YYY's are notoriously awesome and a NY band(imho). There are so many haters who rip on the Strokes and the YYY's as hipster bullshit. The fact is that both of these bands are so raw and passionate they make me feel good about NYC and music. The way these bands play and issue music is very old-school and they aren't the image machine that most bands are. That image stuff bores me to tears.

For example, Justin Timberlake doesn't look like he is having fun when he performs. He doesn't look happy ever. Yeah, he is raking in the money and I am sure he loves music but at such a cost. I can't concentrate on what he is doing because I cant see past how full of himself he is. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a nasty coke habit.

I am listening to the new Flight of the Conchords CD, The Distant Future, over and over today because I am bored to tears. It's pretty hilarious. And the stream is free thanks to spinner.com.

It is either that or make a booty call. I am that bored.

sunday wrap up

Last night i went out with the crew for beers and food. Everyone was in good form and it was a nice time. The summer is almost over, and i am sure the weekends of bars and bar food will boil down and I won't be eating total crap every Saturday night. I have food guilt. Yipes!

Today I spent the day with my Grandmother and Aunt. We went out for dinner. The food was mediocre but it was really a nice day and I loved getting out of the house with them. We have dinner at home every Sunday. The same old thing each week is bound to bore everyone to tears.

My grandmother is 91 years old. She is starting to slip a bit, and it is stressful on me but especially my aunt who is her primary caretaker. It's little things like confusion, and general frustration because she knows her memory isn't what it used to be. It probably wouldn't be so bad if she didn't get annoyed with herself - but she does. It just seems to have happened over night and each week i see her she seems a little less together. She is also not feeling wonderful. I think it is the brutal weather. She says she is depressed and bored. We just recently got her cable for the 1st time. I cant imagine going through 90 years without cable television, so she must be thrilled. Lord knows she never turns that Lifetime channel off.

My friends Grandmother is in a nursing home. This was a hard decision for everyone to make but her Alzheimer's was getting too much for her and her husband to manage. She is 82 years old. The Grandfather is about 80. The Aunt who intervenes is 89 years old and they, the younger family members, call her "Before Christ". Well "Before Christ" is difficult and mean and she says that the reason the grandfather takes the grandmother home from the nursing home as often as he does is to have sex with her. "Before Christ" tells the members of the family these things like they really want to be entertained by the thought even after they question the validity of this nonsense. Whose business is it if 80 something people wanna get it off once a week? Well it's "Before Christ's" business apparently.

My Grandmother is somewhat lucky. She has us. I won't turn my back on her now. I feel bad, and it's annoying, but I won't. I just want her to be happy and comfortable now on. She made me happy and comfortable when I was a kid, and totally helpless and exposed. I would tell her this...but she might not listen. Today my Grandmother went on about how the cats outside keep getting pregnant over and over again. How she doesn't really mind, it is nice to have the babies (kittens) around. I wondered what she would have said if I had come home pregnant over and over again. I felt really bad for about 10 seconds about something she wants to see for me. Or from me.
I know what she was thinking about and I hope. like everything else, she forgot it quickly.


I have to make some calls now and try and drive out of here to see some people.
The thought of work tomorrow isn't registering yet and I need more screw off time!

all along the clock tower

Lofts in the South Bronx. Above the former Estey Piano Company. The South Bronx is now being dubbed SoBro - this is sort of old news.

From Wikipedia:

"The "South Bronx" is not a completely neutral term, as it is one commonly associated with urban decay of the 1970s. The terms "Downtown Bronx" and "SoBro" have recently been coined in hopes of replacing this somewhat outdated term for the region, with the latter term "SoBro" meant to conjure Manhattan's more affluent SoHo neighborhood. It is popular for being the birth place of hip hop music and culture."

We drove through the area last night and I saw several cafes and bars along the way which totally freaked me out. "In November 1999, Scientific American noted: "The Mott Haven section of New York City's South Bronx has long been one of the poorest neighborhoods in the nation. The median household income of its residents, most of whom are African-American or Hispanic, is less than one third of the U.S. median."(Wikipedia). Less then 10 years later and it is turning around. I was left for dead in this area on morning in about 1999/2000 when monsoon rainstorms stopped all train service, and let me tell you, it was no treat. I was quite terrified.

I said to my friend "this area isn't worth what they want for it" and he said "people are preparing for the future". He was 100% correct. Lord only knows what another 8-10 years may bring. For more info on Mott Haven I point you to Forgotten NY.


My favorite building of Mott Haven was the Farberware Factory (Images) which closed down in the 90's. It was simply massive. It was razed four years ago (my old company supplied the tools, I knew then I was in a job that I hated) and is now the site, I believe, of a Con Ed plant. They also removed a smoke stack (cut it down actually) that was associated with I believe a Milk or Bread plant.

I have pots and pans from the 1950's the are stamped BRONX, NY on the bottom. Buy me all the pots and pans in the world, and I refuse to part with these. They were handed down from my Grandmother, to my mother, and then to me. Why? My father wanted "Tools of the Trade" pots and pans. The bottoms all burned. They have already gone through the set. My p's and p's are like new. Not one has even stained nor burned. I appreciate the past more than my Father, which i find very ironic.

There is not a wikipedia entry for "NoBro" which is where I live because there is no need to change any negative connotation just yet. Seems eventually we will have our own urban decay and they will have to come up with a nasty nickname for it first in order for it to rebirth and become someplace trendy and cool. As of now, Robyn and I are the hipster community of Morris Park. We bought our Old Navy Hoodies in anticipation as we wait for the storm.

It's the 1st time.

Welcome August.

gag. Summer is almost over. Doesn't have that same zing that it did when I was young. I feel no pressure. I don't feel like the summer will ever end now since it's 100 degrees here in my apartment. I know it will. I know I will soon be saying that the winter feels like it will never end.

All in all the summer hasn't been too bad. It started off somewhat cruel(potentially) and now it is what it is. So far this summer I haven't vacationed and I don't have any desire to do so. I went to NJ for almost a week and it cured what was ailing me and I would be happy just going back to my cousins, reading my book in her yard and playing with her son. I don't feel fantastic or anything. But I am looking forward to the rest of it; yet I do not yet know why.

What have I been doing this summer:
1. Reading a lot. I went into this yesterday so I wont be redundant.

2. Buying new music after years of just bumming music. Itunes price is right. A cd is about worth 10 bucks - I don't care who it is. Here is who it is:
a. regina spektor - begin to hope and soviet Kitsch
b. marilyn manson - eat me, drink me
c. the academy is - santi
d. fergie- the dutchess
e. yeah yeah yeahs- it is
f. bjork - volta
g. tori amos - american doll possee
h. damone- out here all night

3. Watchin TV. Yes! ME! Watching the tube like its 1939.
a. rock of love. Oh god, I know! But there is a long history between myself and Bret Michaels . Every man I have ever loved has now been on relaity televion. Well, every man who is a B Lister now. Wait. Is Tommy Lee A or B list?
b. flight of the conchords. Brilliant. Makes me laugh like a 2nd grader. If I do not laugh the 1st time I watch an episode, I will when I watch it again, and I always do watch it again. It actually propelled me into buying HBO on demand. and I do not part with $5.95 a month easily.
c. big love. I watch it sometimes. I like the show. It is getting better and the plot is getting much more interesting. I think I will demand an episode later.
d. Adult Swim. I need new Aqua Team episodes like Britney needs new hair extensions.
e. NY1. This is perhaps the greatest news station ever. If you don't live in NY you suck. And I am sorry, but Pat Kiernan is the greatest new anchor ever. He so gets it. He reports the news with sarcasm. It's about time someone did this.

4. Going to concerts. Ugh. I only saw Bjork so far. It was amazing and I do not regret it one bit. I am seeing the Yeah Yeah Yeah's on the 8th I think and that should be hot. No one goes to shows anymore. I have to go it alone. Thus the decline in concert going. They are also too fucking expensive. Too fucking expensive. I wish Itunes would start selling shows for the price they are worth, too.

5. Drinking. I call it "Summer of Sam (Adams)". It's just what I am doin now. I like Summer Ale. And when it goes into hibernation, I too will stop drinking beer. I will not stop drinking white wine or vodka.

6. Blogging. Being witty. Trying to find myself because I really lost myself in 2007. I feel good about this. My hair is dyed again. I am living my life the way I want to - although I work too much. I think I should aim lower in terms of work, because I am no where near rich yet, and basically a thousandaire and others I know have far exceeded me doing much less.

7. Trolling celebrity websites. This is mindless. I also though, as a balance, am really doing well in my NYC research and news intake.

8. Not getting a tan. Not reading Harry Potter books. Not obsessing. Not dating as much as I would like to (ugh. maybe tomorrow I will blog about that). Not seeing my friends as much as I would love to. Not meeting new people (I have extended myself. I did "meet" some new people at parties and film premiers and I didn't do this for ages so there is hope). I point all these things out, less the Potter books, because I aim to do it more. See more movies and art too. Seriously.

9. Doing things myself. Shopping. Food and otherwise. Seeing some art shows. Going to the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. Things I used to threaten to do; I do them now. I see concerts alone. I still cannot eat in public alone, and I will not see a movie alone. I just won't.

10. Driving. I drive more now then I was before the summer but I don't really have anyplace to drive. I cannot drive too far because I have a very old car and I fear it breaking down in the middle of my journey in the summer heat. I have a triple A card, and it works. Still, I am not interested in this bleak fanatsy coming true. I am probably going to have to risk it on the 18th, because I want to see my family. They can come get me if my car break down and that is what it is.

I am tired now. Ok, off I go.